A very special thank you to my mate Greg for his special charity relief efforts on my behalf, and many thanks to the loverly people at the Metro who sent along a very nice "get well soon" card. The sole of my right foot has started getting warm and sweaty again for the first time in a week, so I'm definitely on the road to recovery. Soon, I'll be able to crawl, and shortly thereafter I should be able to hobble in a painful and anguished gait. Huzzah!
But to try and keep up the pace I've set for myself recently, I'll try and hit the next spot on the Pulchritudinous Premiership before I collapse. Again.
And alas, there is not a whole lot of action at this particular place in the standings.
Last season began with this lass in nineteenth spot.
Jennifer Love Hewitt
A multi-talented performer who is very professional, ambitious and creative. Her vivacity and enthusiasm managed to stand her in good stead throughout the season, although her position was looking very shaky and precarious toward the close.
One of my earlier comments which defended her place on the table basically said that she was filling some sort of "fluffy crumpet" niche, and although that is a disparaging remark which I am usually sensitive enough to phrase a tad more delicately, there is more than an iota of truth to it.
True, she would not merit any consideration without her four albums, television success, films, and successful dance tours. On the other hand, Rita MacNeil has a comparatively successful resumé and hasn't merited any consideration for the list. Am I a hypocrite? Probably.
Do I like her music? Not particularly. She has a very sweet and true voice, but it lacks any character or conviction. Am I a fan of her acting? Hmm. Again, the answer would have to be in the negative. She's not thoroughly execrable on the order of some truly rubbish female thespians like Sean Young or Sofia Coppola, but she's demonstrated extraordinary bravery and tenacity at various disciplines, despite skirting the strict definition of mediocre in each one.
Mildly surprising, then, despite all of the thinly veiled backhanded compliments revealed above, that the current holder of 19th place in my Premiership is held by...
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Okay, so apparently her tenacity and erm...
Despite the fact that her most recent album remains "BareNaked" from 2002, and her latest cinematic tour de force was last year's contemptible "Garfield", she's still fighting the good fight.
Many people with more talent, but less force of character would have thrown in the metaphorical towel at this point in their careers. She's still managing to maintain her ranking amongst the elite of my estimation because of her nigh Nietzschean determination to succeed, and yet cannot seem to rise up the table primarily because she takes herself too seriously and that has hampered her artistic development. I think she would be better able to communicate and express fun and happiness if she didn't make it seem like so much damn hard work.
If she could combine a degree from Harvard with a more self-examinatory sense of humour, she might have been vying for top honours last season. One is tempted to make some sort of lame joke about "I Know What She Did Last Season", but I'll adroitly dodge that because it's too easy.
In any event, second-from-bottom hasn't changed from 2004-2005 going into 2005-2006, so no new drama or developments to be observed here. Trust me, it'll get more interesting as we move along. Remember, there are still three newly promoted challengers, and we haven't yet discovered the remaining two who have joined Hillary Rodham Clinton in the lower divisions. So I'll sign off for the evening, and return upon the morn for more shocking and astonishing revelations, and maybe even my long-awaited 25th May narrative (sigh).
So until then, good night England and the colonies. Cheers,
-mARKUS
^+Justice for the 96+^
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