04 June 2005

Incalculable Happiness

Howay, gentle readers?
What a time it's been and what a startling series of revelations with which we must deal. Let's address things one at a time, so that I can pace my delivery appropriately.
Many apologies for the extended delay between this entry and the last, but in addition to a very complicated work schedule, have also had some occasion to experience ecstatic and existence-obliterating joy.
That being said, I must bemoan the lack of comments on the 20 most attractive women in the world article which follows this one. Aside from the noble contributions from the Jim, no-one else has textually muttered a whisper. I'll have to slog through the process solo... so feel shame, ye who read and do not contribute. On the plus side, there will heretofore be more pretty pictures and jolly rockets to make viewing this ghastly page more palatable. Erm... on the negative side, none will be of the explicit or "marketable" nature. I guess some could view that as negative. I dunno. I live in text. I don't understand this whole "seeing" thing that people do. I think that graphics ought to represent reality, and my reality is based in the souls whose images have been captured, not in any sort of physicality or photogenicity. If that's a word.
So my intention is to quickly describe the events which unfolded on 25th May, 2005 in as much detail as I can recall, just so that I have a record for my own edification, and perhaps I can even take some of you on a microcosmic version of the emotional roller-coaster ride I experienced. Then, after departing briefly, I shall endeavour to return and continue to update the myriad events of the past month which I have been so sorely negligent in reporting, and hopefully make them sound more exciting than a damp squib, which seems to be the general impact of my writings on people. I suppose that I've got the blogsite equivalent of a "Bazooka Joe" cartoon in terms of stimulating reader interest. One glance, a disgusted grunt, and then - boom - thrown away like a bag of month-old prawn salad.
But, we ought to be cutting to the chase here, and not maundering about verbally, as I am so wont to do. There's a whole month worth of what I may mistakenly believe to be interesting or noteworthy commentaries that I feel compelled to relate, and the sooner I get to it, the happier and more unburdened I expect I shall feel.
So onwards to Istanbul, where two of Europe's most famous and historically renowned teams faced off in a titanic struggle on the world's largest club stage. The last time Liverpool made it to the Final of the European Championship was 1985, and the events at Heysel made it a sad occasion to recall. Few remember Michel Platini slotting away a penalty to win the match for Juventus of Turin. Many can recall the shoddy stadium, the shrieks of terror, and the deaths of 39 fans. It marked the end of English superiority on the continent. Twenty years on, former European Champions Nottingham Forest have been relegated three times to collapse into the darkest recesses of mediocrity outside of the Fred Blogga South West Regional Sunday Pub Conference. AC Milan, on the other hand, were still prominent in Europe, but had to settle for second place in the scudetto race in Italy. And Liverpool, for the first time in two decades, had a chance to win their fifth trophy and take permanent possession of the most prestigious club cup in the world.
But let's have a quick look at what led up to this clash of sporting super-powers. Any why were all the pundits so stunned that Liverpool made it to the final? Hadn't they already won the competition four times before?
Casting our minds back to last summer, Liverpool were allowed into the Champions' League at a very early stage: the third round of qualifying. They had to defeat Grazer AK of Austria in order to secure a place in the competition proper. With the Rafatollah having just barely begun the Rafalution, and with Michael Owen being firmly banned to the bench so that he would not be cup-tied, things were a tad dicey.
Just in case someone out there doesn't know how European football transfers work, I'll give a quick explanation. Teams in Europe splash out huge whacking sums of cash in order to purchase a player's contract. Then, the club gets the privilege of splashing out more honking wodges of dough through actually paying the player to perform and train. Now the complicated bit is this: if a player plays in a cup competition - even if it's only for a few seconds - he is ineligible to play for any other team in that tournament. It removes the possibility that a player might play against former team mates in the same season.
The practical upshot of this is that if Michael Owen played so much a single second against the Austrians, he would be unable to play for another team in European competition for the rest of the season. So St. Michael stayed on the bench, Stevie G scored both goals that eventually took Liverpool through to the next stage of the competition, and Réal Madrid duly snapped up Liverpool's goalscoring ace for a comparative pittance.
After that, things got a bit difficult.
The next step in trying to become the Champions of Europe involved a dogfight round-robin group stage against Olympiakos of Piraeus (Greece), AS Monaco of France and Spain's Deportivo La Coruña. As devout readers of this site will no doubt recall, the six home and away matches against these teams eventually produced a breathtaking match-up between Liverpool and Olympiakos at Anfield, with Liverpool needing to win by two clear goals. Finding themselves a goal down at half-time, the redoubtable Stevie G led a spirited comeback to score three straight goals and launch the Mighty Reds into the knockout phases of the competition.
After comfortably disposing of Bayer Leverkusen from Germany both home and away, Liverpool found themselves facing the Italian Serie A leaders from Turin. Twenty years after the disaster at Heysel, Juventus and Liverpool finally played a competitive match against one another. Emotions ran high. The Kop End of Anfield observed their minute's silence impeccably, with an enormous mosaic that echoed the spirit of "Memoria e Amicizia" - Remembrance and Friendship. Ian Rush, the Liverpool legend who transferred to Juventus after Heysel before returning to Merseyside, was on hand to present the pre-game commemorative banners as once again, red scousers looked on with one communal contracting brow of woe for 39 Italian fans whose deaths would be echoed only four years on by 96 of Liverpool's own tragic losses. Dry eyes were a rarity, as memories of loved ones washed over the crowds. Little lads who could not possibly be older than Kevin Williams or Jon-Paul Gilhooley were at Hillsborough 16 years earlier were awestruck by the force of the emotion.
As was becoming increasingly obvious over the course of the season, Liverpool drew strength from the fans. All of the usual talk about "the 12th man, "singing their team home", "rapturous applause" and all of those other clichés and chestnuts were traipsed out. And when it mattered, the clichés faded into the distance, and all that remained were Liverpool fans, earning the title of loudest fans in Europe as they bared every nerve and shouted every throat hoarse in their unabashed love and care for their team. The Kop sweated, agonized, cheered, cried and sang, and the heroes on the pitch responded.
First, Sami Hÿypia reinforced his image as the huge, unswerving monolith in the heart of the Liverpool defence. That has both positive and negative aspects. On a brilliant evening redolent with memories and heartfelt emotions, he transformed his greatest defensive liability - a ponderous lack of mobility - into his greatest strength as he thundered past a shocked and confused Juve defensive cloud of markers to meet a cross with a cataclysmic kick that nearly burst the back of the Juve net. Then Luis Garcia scored a wonder goal to rival any from the record books and highlight reels as he smacked a volley from 30 yards away from goal that bent, swerved, and finally dipped below the crossbar of the goal.
Liverpool went on to win 2-1, which meant two important things: the second leg in Turin could be decided by a single goal, and that Juve had the "precious" away goal, meaning that if they could score at home and keep the Reds to a clean sheet, they would triumph in the tie and romp merrily through to the semi-final. The "Vecchia Signora" of Serie A were widely tipped to edge out the Reds. If the voice of the Kop could not be heard, the theory went, there would be very little chance for the gladiators of LFC to challenge their illustrious opponents for the contested place in the European Cup Semi-Finals.
Friedrich Nietzsche said that even unicellular organisms exhibited a will to power. In terms of some of his philosophical writings, every impetus and every inequality of relations between beings exists as a result of an imbalance of internal force of one over another. An amoeba's pseudopods may encompass the cellular membranes of a paramecium, and eventually involve the total envelopment of one individual entity by another. Somewhere, theorised the German philosopher, there is an instinct which creates aggression to conquer and consume, even at a microscopic level.
That being said, Liverpool went to visit the Stadio Delle Alpi knowing one thing: if Juventus did not score in the next 90 or so minutes, it would be the Liverpudlians in the semi-finals. Gritty and resolute lines were drawn.
This was not the battle of a predator leaping onto a falling stag to complete the kill. It was not a warrior twisting his blade to ensure his opponent would stay down. It was a desperate series of rear-guard actions as the likes of Zlatan Ibrahimovich and Alessandro del Piero inched closer to the possibility of scoring a single goal which, when compounded with their precious away goal at Anfield, would spell overall victory in the tie.
Step forward, Jamie Carragher.
When the clouds loomed darkly, when the dawn seemed distant, when heartbeats faded... it was Carra who burst his lungs and ran his boots ragged to keep hope alive. Every last ditch effort, every stop-gap, every critical rescue seemed to come at the end of one of his super-human interventions. Exit Juventus.
Chelski were next on the list. Having already lost three consecutive games against the billionaire blues during the season, including the League Cup Final, not many people gave Liverpool a chance. But after a cautious draw in the cavernous silence of Stamford Bridge, where the only noise that could be heard above the miniscule Liverpool contingent's songs was the crunching of prawn sandwiches and the hiss of champagne being guzzled by the über-riche supporters of the South Londoners., the return leg at Anfield could only have one outcome. The Kop roared, the city was exuberant, the team were on form, and Chelsea looked like a pack of talented apprentices who had never experienced something of that magnitude before. Chelsea swept away.
All that remained was the final on 25th May against the perennial European favourites, AC Milan. Liverpool: the team that was the dominant force in Europe twenty years prior, but rocked by disasters and tragedies ever since. Milan: the team which has been a top contender for the biggest silverware every single year since Liverpool's decline. Regardless of the result, the impact of this game had already begun to resonate. Only one English team had become champions of Europe after 1984, and that victory in 1999 still makes Bayern Münich fans twitch a bit. This was to be a test of tactics, styles, philosophy, tradition, and, perhaps most tellingly as it would turn out, spirit.
At this point I should mention that the weekend before the final, a young lad by the name of Maxtin was scheduled for open heart surgery. Occasionally, I'm luck enough to babysit the wee munchkin. Before the operation, I made sure that he had an appropriate piece of clothing to wear.
So the stage was set. Liverpool had to upset the odds and defeat one of the continental juggernauts of the last twenty years to try and repel the ghosts of Heysel and Hillsborough. I was counting on the lads. Little Max was counting on them. They only had to get past a team featuring the best striker in Europe (Andriy Shevchenko), the most exciting young high midfielder around (Kaká), and the greatest left-back to have ever played the game (Paolo Maldini). The boys from Merseyside had to win to prevent heartbreak on a number of different levels.
(to be continued)

20 May 2005

The Pulchritudinous Premiership

Greetings, gentle readers.
So the football season has ended in England. What does this mean? It means that my Premiership of pulchritudinous females will need to be revised. Three must be relegated, and three must be promoted into the top ranks. Since none of the ladies involved have any more than a negligible chance of finding this page, I should feel relatively confident in my ability to express my opinions without causing any distress or negative emotional feedback.
In short, here is the Top 20 at the start of the season:
(Which you can see by clicking on this convenient link in greater detail:
http://jdsilentio.blogspot.com/2004/12/its-coffee-table-book.html#comments)
1. Melanie Chisholm
- Lovable scouse wag.
2. Emily Mortimer
- Mistress of dialects.
3. Lisa Loeb
- Quasi-folksy musician.
4. Sadie Frost
- Hyper-intelligent actress.
5. Laura Harring
- Fascinating cosmopolite.
6. Jennifer Hedger
- Eminently desirable sportscaster.
7. Joanne Guest
- Erudite laddish fantasy.
8. Mira Sorvino
- Self-effacing goddess.
9. Janeane Garofalo
- Flaky but fun comedienne.
10. Linda Bresonik
- Best female footy player in the world today.
11. Natalie Portman
- Darth Vader's chick.
12. Hazel Irvine
- The only woman that can make Stephen Hendry speak in anything other than monosyllables.
13. Miranda Otto
- The most expressive eyes in existence. Could make a stone weep.
14. Wendy Mesley
- Devastatingly intelligent.
15. Anna Faris
- Versatile to the point of incredulousness.
16. Jennifer/Cynthia Dale
- Fundamentally Canadian.
17. Ali Landry
-Phenomenal sense of humour and a healthy lack of egotism.
18. Kara Lang
- If I ever needed a shooting wide midfielder...
19. Jennifer Love Hewitt
- Multi-taltented, though not a virtuoso in any particular category.
20. Hillary Rodham Clinton
- A future historical figure.

And here are some of the contestants fighting for promotion:

1. Claire Danes
After a phenomenal run in "My So-Called life", Claire hasn't demonstrated a huge range of versatility. She was fantastic in demonstrating teenage angst, but it is still open to debate whether roles in such films as "Terminator 3 - Rise of the Machines" will dissuade observers from drawing conclusions that her abilities are limited. Her official website is at http://www.clairedanes.com/

Claire Danes in Terminator 3 Posted by Hello
2. Jakki Degg
Comfortably edging past other English personalities such as Jennifer Ellison, she's still the second-most attractive woman I've ever seen wearing a Liverpool kit. Check out the site: http://www.ultimatenzsoccer.com/About/id794.htm if you don't believe me. I expect some serious response from my limited quantity of readers. She's the kind of lass that will cause you to fall in love at first sight. And she's wearing a Liverpool kit. That's HUGELY sexy.

Jakki Degg in an LFC home kit. Posted by Hello
3. Rosamund Pike
Takes the biscuit from Daniella Bianchi and Luciana Paluzzi as the sexiest Bond woman of all time. Comfortably outshone Halle Berry, and that's not an easy task. Made "Die Another Day" a watchable cinematic experience. You can have a peek at her at http://www.absolutely.net/Rosamund_Pike/

Actress ROSAMUND PIKE at the special screening in Los Angeles of her new James Bond movie Die Another Day.
11NOV2002. © Paul Smith / Featureflash Posted by Hello
4. Nina Elizabet Persson
Lead singer/songwriter with the band The Cardigans. Can knowlegably discuss aesthetics and literature over a glass of Scotch whiskey. Well-read, well-spoken, and well-educated. She's funny, intriguing and creative. I find myself hard-pressed to name another woman with whom I could discuss Faulkner and Steinbeck for hours on end. Information on her can be found at http://cardigans.com/news.php.

Nina Elizabet Persson Posted by Hello
5. Lene Nystrom
Lead singer of Aqua, this energetic and dynamic Dane can be found on-line at http://www.lenemusic.com/. She is equally at home singing fluffy bubble-gum pop, crashing punk rock, or melodic ballads. Fun lass with a great sense of humour.

Lene Nystrom on stage. Posted by Hello

So any and all comments and suggestions are welcome, and I'll try and sort out the promotions and relegations over the next couple of weeks. But for now, all thoughts are on Istanbul for the 25th. The biggest match of the last twenty years, and I'm getting twitchy just thinking about it. Until next time, take care everyone and cheers,

- mARKUS
^+Justice for the 96+^

12 May 2005

Preaching to the Converted

Greetings, gentle readers. You have my most heartfelt apologies for transforming this ostensibly eclectic series of abstruse ruminations into a cavalcade of footie ramblings. I shall try and diversify the topics of discussion further by shifting my attention to music. Since the football season in England ends in two weeks, the sea-change was due anyway, though perhaps not in the true Shakespearean sense "into something rich and strange." And so onward into discussions not of things rich, but of things Richey. Richey James Edwards was the guitarist and co-lyricist of The Manic Street Preachers until his disappearance in 1995. Prior to his departure, the band were renowned as a Welsh indie punk bank that had just begun to make major commercial inroads. In the years since he vanished, the remaining three members of the band - Sean Moore, James Dean Bradfield, and Nicky Wire (Jones) - evolved and developed musically and aesthetically into a completely different manifestation of themselves. However, they still rankle at the notion that a part of their success is due to the mythology of their missing childhood friend and colleague, and their most recent album, characterised as "elegaic pop", deals with their own sorrow and the challenge of escaping the past. If you don't own a copy of "Lifeblood", I would suggest giving it a listen. I've listened to the Manics for years, and there are references to them strewn throughout my meandering monologues. Several things contributed to my growing fascination with the band: - Their penchant for hyper-literate intellectual references was combined with an almost bizarrely diverse variety of musical styles, making it challenging to listen to them. Their academic analysis of biographical, historical, and political knowledge combined with an astute understanding and contempt for (post-) modern society to create songs that are not only angry and scornful, but with an educated perspective. Their iconoclastic lyrics tear down a lot of the aedifices that have been constructed to shield people from critical thought or personal responsibility. - Their image has changed in the seventeen years since they first formed the group, but has always been provocative and interesting. Just as Brian Epstein spoke of his first meeting with the Beatles, and commented that he was struck most forcefully by their personalities and charm, the Manics in the late 80's dressed and acted in a way consistent with conveying a political and cultural message. Richey, alternatively flamboyant and sullen, tended to become the focus of media attention, though his personality quirks and flaws were soon afterward to overshadow his accomplishments as a writer and performer. - In classical mythological terms, the Manics have been the Cassandras of popular culture. Consider 9-11 and the events that followed the Bush administration going ballistic on Iraq, Afghanistan, and whomever else they felt like bombing. One can imagine the conversation: (Bush: "Let's attack there." [points at globe] Advisor: "There? But sir, that's Sweden..." Bush: "I have it on good authority that there is an Al-Qaeda headquarters there." Advisor: "Sir, that's the headquarters of IKEA, not Al-Qaeda.") The Manics had already addressed the issue of American culture pervading the global community, and the backlashes some cultures and religions would experience in trying to curtail that influence. Months and even years before some elements of the global community let their hatred of America boil over from passive resentment to violent assault, the Manics were singing songs like "IFWHITEAMERICATOLDTHETRUTHFORONEDAYITSWORLDWOULDFALLAPART", "Freedom of Speech Won't Feed My Children", "Baby Elian", "Democracy Coma", and "Motorcycle Emptiness". Interesting to consider how Americans would respond to these lyrics from "Repeat (Stars and Stripes)": "Useless generations / Dumb flag scum" following the love festival the American public had with their flag after the World Trade Centre attack. Particularly since the song was released in 1992. - Related to their insightful critiques of international politics is their frank and blunt confrontation of deeply rooted personal problems. Issues such as anorexia, bulemia, self-harm and mutilation, depression, substance abuse and suicide are all briliantly swept across a musical canvas of bleak isolation and alienation. No other band was quite so honest or authentic in their treatment of these issues, which was another contibutory factor in their transition from indie club band to cult heroes amongst disaffected youth in Great Britain. - The lads are good people. Nicky Wire is an eloquent exponent of social change and political reform as well as poetic exploration of truth and the human condition, in addition to being a phenomenal source of media-friendly quotables. Not that he's friendly toward the media, but he often expounds some very controversial opinions and attitudes - and those sell papers and get ratings. And they played at the concert for the Hillsborough Family Support Group at Anfield on 15th April, 1999. That puts them in my good books for life. - Finally, the sheer breadth of their musical spectrum is awe-inspiring. From the gut-busting screaming hard-guitar punk on the album "Generation Terrorists" to the soft acoustics of "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" and "Bright Eyes", they play the lot. If I've observed these various different avenues of tremendous appeals, one is tempted to question why the North American exposure of this phenomenal group is as limited as it is. There are three albums currently floating around out there in distribution: "Lipstick Traces - A Secret History of Manic Street Preachers", "Forever Delayed - Manic Street Preachers Greatest Hits", and "Lifeblood". Can anyone just find one of these albums down the corner store? Most likely not, if you're living in Canada or the United States. Through diligent effort, these albums have been found in the New World, but the fact remains that there is no effort made at promotion, touring, advertising, radio-play, or any of those other typical marketing strategies aimed at selling products or expanding consumer interest. Are MSP just too much of a political correctness liability for a North American record label? Let's rewind back to 1995. Nicky, Richey, Sean and James had been signed by Columbia Records for three years at that point, and had popped out three increasingly bleak albums, culminating in the release of the album "The Holy Bible" in August of 1994. They had agreed to do the title track of the film "Judge Dredd" starring Sylvester Stallone, and were poised to conquer the North American market. "Holy Bible" was already becoming a cult classic amongst the punk underground cognoscenti, and the Manics had already done what later groups and artists such as Marilyn Manson would later copy - the androgynous stage performances, the scathing criticisms of the society that birthed them, and a wide variety of original songs. Again, they had established that they could slam out punk tunes, but they were also using string sections and woodwinds for songs like "Dead Trees and Traffic Islands."
That was when Richey disappeared from the scene and entered rock 'n' roll mythology. His car was found, out of petrol and with a dead battery, near a bridge over the river Severn renowned for suicides. He had previously been hospitalised for his anorexia and self-harming behaviour, most alarmingly demonstrated when, at the beginning of an interview with Steve Lamacq, he was asked if the band were for real. He promptly drew out a razor blade and carved "4 real" into his arm. He was rushed to hospital, where he politely declined treatment until others in more serious medical need were addressed first. Following the announcement that Richey was in fact suffering from a number of anxiety disorders, the fan mail bag swelled with letters from listeners (predominantly female) who were experiencing similar nervous problems.
Richey was declared officially dead by the British government after no traces of him were found and after five years of waiting. The possibility that he might still be floating around anonymously somewhere hangs over the band to this day. It's been ten years of grief and trauma, but every interview and every public appearance they make has some form of reference to their missing comrade. "Lifeblood" is their most erudite effort to date expressing the draining, damning conditions under which they've laboured since Richey left. Of course, it's also a grander metaphor expressing any sort of regret and the persistence of memory, but Richey's spirit is clearly manifested throughout the album. I'm reminded of the film "Scorchers", where a father tells his daughter that her mother is still with them. "I love her too much for her to be gone all the way," he drawls in a Cajun accent. Similarly, it's tough to listen to songs like "Judge Yr'self", "Nobody Loved You", and "Cardiff Afterlife" without thinking of Richey.
To be brutally honest, the band has become better musically in his absence. Nicky still laces the lyrics with reams of academia, James still sings and plays the guitar, and Sean is still a capable and reliable backbeat. Gone are the over-complicated diatribes which made songs virtually unsingable, but then, so is the stage presence which made the Manic Street Preachers such an unpredictable and dynamic set of performers. And in the absence of Richey, Nicky has become quite vocal about his own hang-ups - that he is in fact quite a boring and unexciting guy who loves to watch telly, eat crisps and hoover his flat. Of course, I can relate to that, but it doesn't exactly perpetuate the rock idol stereotype. Happily married, living near his hometown in a sleepy part of North Wales with his two kids... not the stuff of legend.
Some of the Manic Street Preacher trademarks are still continued - the use of quotations to punctuate the album liners and lyric sheets, the ongoing dialogue with historical biography (or biographical history), and the lingering feeling of sad emptiness.
Personally, I feel indebted to the group. Where else would I have stumbled upon the life-stories of Paul Robeson, Emily Pankhurst, Kevin Carter, and Bret Easton Ellis? And whenever I need to just sit back and absorb information at work, I just surf to http://www.manics.nl and start reading. I suppose that the most poignant comment I can make about the Preachers is that even if you don't fancy their music, you won't find them boring.
So now I'll quit shamefully plugging one of my favourite bands of all time, and instead give myself a huge pat on the back. Who was it that said that you could stake your mortgage on a bet saying that Barçalona would win La Liga, but not the Copa del Rey? I think that it was me. The Oracle rides high again. I'm going to have to check the archives and find out exactly how many months ago that prognostication was made, so I can blow my own trumpet in the correct key.
And my next post should be after the titanic struggle on the 25th, so be ready for some heavy-duty sports commentary. After that, I'll mellow out again and maybe blast off some articles on the Lightning Seeds, my ongoing employment quandary, the emerging trend of marketing to the adult male demographic, and my latest spin on male-female romantic entanglements. I won't use the "R" word because I loathe it - I'll let Oprah and Dr. Phil beat it all the way down the highway to Clichéville.
So for now, this is me signing off and wishing you a happy... everything. Don't forget to staple disposable diapers to your ceiling, and to fill your galoshes with sauerkraut and shaving scum to celebrate the annual coming of the magic yak in his flying canoe. Whenever that may be.
Take care and cheers,

-mARKUS
^+Justice for the 96+^

09 May 2005

We shall start the bidding at...

Greetings, gentle readers.
As I seriously contemplate my job and career options over the next few hours, it's interesting to note that one of the more significant factors which will influence my final decision with be the Final. The European Champions' Cup Final. Any job which will impede my ability to watch the game will be immediately dropped like an overheated tuber. So I shall let the negotiations begin this morning at Dell. Make me an offer which includes having the 25th of May off, I shall drily quip, and imply that TELUS is tabling a competitive counter offer. Then tomorrow, it's to the management at TELUS and we'll see what they can do for me. I have no paucity of opportunities here, and my services are up for grabs. I shan't trouble Castle Rock too greatly, since I'm only part-time there and they've proved terribly flexible.
But once again, Liverpool FC have proven just how inconsistently they can perform in the Premiership by dropping a clanger against Arsenal yesterday. In the first half, they ambled about in a lacklustre daze while Arsenal's rapier-like midfield movement caught a very... erm... flat flat-back four for Liverpool out of position again and again. Players who only five days earlier were absolute titans, repelling Chelski assaults on a regular basis suddenly seemed knackered and off the pace. Djimi Traoré seemed lost as he wandered inside from his left-back position to support a befuddled and mystified Sami Hÿypia. Jamie Carragher's typically colossal heroics were unfortunately inadequate to address the wit and inventiveness of an Henry-less Arsenal squad eager to clinch automatic qualification for next season's Champions' League.
Going into half-time with a two goal deficit, the Reds looked listless and depressed.
But, as so often has been the case with this team, the alarm bell rang and the skipper answered it. Shouting and charging about like a man possessed, Stevie G slid inch-perfect passes about the pitch, wreaking havoc amongst the previously confident and strutting Arsenal players. Ozzie winger Harry Kewell began to expose Arsenal right back Lauren's lack of pace, and Luis Garcia looked far more dangerous drifting inside from the far right. Before long, the pressure created a free kick outside of the box as Xabi Alonso was fouled as he went for an aerial cross. Stevie calmly assessed it, then hammered a screaming, scorching blast through the defensive wall and into the back of the Arsenal net past a desperately clawing Jens Lehmann.
Liverpool continued to attack, press, and probe with creativity and flare, but finally they ran out of time, and Arsenal scored an injury-time goal through young Cesc Fabregas. Game over. The match was a perfect illustration of some things which have characterised Liverpool throughout the season.
First, they're a different team in European competition. Whether that be because the players motivate themselves differently, or because the continental style of play suits Rafa Benitez' tactics better, or a combination of the two, the fact remains that when Juventus win the scudetto, Liverpool will have beaten the champions of both England and Italy in home and away series. In other words, they can beat the best in Europe, but can't beat Middlesbrough or Birmingham.
The paradox is less conspicuous in the second trend which has manifested: Liverpool FC produce completely different form when they play away from home. This is not completely baffling, considering the cauldron of emotion that is Fortress Anfield and the "12th man" effect that the singing, whistling and cheering of the Kop produces. The legendary Shankly said that he would be happy to win at home and draw away. The team at present wins at home, and calamitously plunges into perilous depths of incompetence and mediocrity away. That generally entails losing. The Kop is a powerful force, but as soon as the Reds play away from it, it's as though the players all suffer severe withdrawl symptoms and wither into emaciated, quivering shells of their former selves. That much was demonstrably true during the first half against Arsenal.
Finally, the lads play crap in any game which immediately follows a European match. If playing away from home is like suffering from heroin withdrawl, then playing a game after a European tie is like playing with a hangover, possibly even delirium tremens. Even with a few days rest and training during the interim, they simply fall apart in the ensuing match.
Add those three trends together and you get the first half of the match last Sunday. Slow, clumsy and unimaginative play, coupled with a listless, anodyne attitude which generally culminates in a catastrophic, soul-eroding loss.
So now there's only the final match of the season against Aston Villa this coming Sunday, which can serve two purposes. A win can cement fifth (eurgh...) place in the Premiership, and can test the fitness and form of the squad ahead of the big match against likely scudetto runners-up AC Milan.
The rossoneri are scared. And well they should be. Despite some wonderful early season form and results, they are suffering from a lack of squad rotation and fixture congestion. Some of their players like Jaap Stam, Alessandro Costacurta, Paolo Maldini, Cafu and Rui Costa are not the sprightly and energetic players they were when they were on the younger side of thirty years old. The average age of the Milanese squad is 29 years old, and several players are looking over their retirement options. The only starter they have under the age of 25 is the Brazilian star Kaka, and even he is starting to look a bit knackered after a gruelling campaign in Europe and Serie A.
So they're old. They've played ten games in the last month. They're tired. Now consider their form. They just got run off the park over the weekend by title favourites Juve, and prior to that, were humiliatingly forced to score a consolation goal in order to advance past PSV Eindhoven in Europe, losing the match 3-1. Were it not for that single goal, scored near the death of the match, Eindhoven would have steamrollered over them and onto Istanbul. Their confidence is shot, they know that they were intercoursingly lucky to advance in Europe despite a dire performance against a better team, and the scudetto is vanishing into the distance. Unless they start getting some results in Italy, Europe is going to be well beyond them. They play their final game of the season on the weekend immediately preceding the final. They still need to fly to Turkey, get acclimitised, and get some training in before the game. My assessment is that they will not be in the best fettle imaginable.
What if Liverpool win? The controversy continues to swirl around the possibility that Liverpool may win the Champions' Cup, but fail to qualify for next season's competition. Neutral observers ought to be aghast at the idea that the Champions cannot defend their crown, and UEFA boss Lennart Johannson has rather emphatically thrown his influence behind the Merseysiders returning after the summer, should they triumph in Istanbul. As the rules stand now, a victorious Liverpool would meekly enter the vastly less prestigious and lucrative UEFA Cup. A proposal being considered at the top levels would see Liverpool and Chelsea automatically enter the competition as seeded teams, with Arsenal, Manchester United and Everton entering the competition at the qualifying stages. This would sting Arsenal fans, whose team has fought valiantly for the runners-up spot ahead of the Mancunian Red Devils in the belief that they could avoid the qualifying rounds, but their outrage would surely be minor compared to the feeling of injustice throughout Europe that would manifest, should the champions not be allowed to return. Particularly amongst the fans of teams that Liverpool has already beaten this year. Supporters of Olympiakos, Bayer Leverkusen, Juventus and Chelsea would feel cheated. Not only would they not get a chance to try and directly redress their losses against the 'Pool, they would be implicitly told by UEFA that their teams were defeated by a team not deemed worthy of being in the competition. It would cheapen and undervalue the entire tournament. Win the big prize and get sent packing thereafter would be the subtext.
Rumour has it that the huge multi-million euro sponsors of the tournament have exercised their leverage to avoid that very possibility. Anything that might jeopardise television viewership or attendance means less exposure for the same expenditure. Europe's premier club tournament - the most prestigious in the world - in addition to being a sporting spectacle is also an enormously lucrative money-spinner. I just want to see Liverpool back in the European Cup next season, and I'll take the support of any forces of blind avarice and mindless greed that are available.
Of course, this is all dependent on LFC being victorious in Turkey's largest, although not capital, city, which all of my learned readers should know. If you have the ability to wade through this much of my twaddle, you must be able to memorize the odd geographic fact.
But I should actually sign off for the nonce. I need to work on my third draft of my resignation letter, to be used in the event that TELUS won't change my schedule for the game. Until next time, which I hope will be considerably shorter than some of my textual droughts, I wish everyone a fantastic turn of fate and a kiss of starlight at dawn. Cheers,

mARKUS

^+ Justice for the 96+^

06 May 2005

Red Dawn

Greetings, gentle readers.
What more can be said about the awesome Anfield spectacle of the European Champions' Cup Semi-Final against Chelski? The print media have gone berzerk in their efforts to fall over one another in an effort to clamber onto the Liverpool bandwagon. Here are some of the press clippings:

"The people's club, clad in red, have shattered the biggest, blue-blooded ambitions of the most wealthy power-broker the game has ever known. They did it in an epic, defiant way too. Truly, there has not been a racket like it since, well, since Liverpool last won a European Cup semi-final on one of these white-lit spring nights or since they closed the old, standing-room only Spion Kop end of Anfield in 1994. It was not just a wall of bulging, stretching, moving red shirts upon which Chelsea had to mount a long, fruitless and toothless assault here. It was a wall of noise too.
- John Dillon, Daily Express

The scenes at the end were incredible. Gerrard was last off the pitch having gone to all four sides in ecstatic celebration. For this particular observer, Anfield will always remain special having been generously clapped off the pitch when Arsenal won the title here in 1989. Not as special, mind, as for the boy from Huyton. How can he say goodbye now to his umbilical cord? Of all Liverpool's momentous results down the years, this one could prove one of the most crucial.
- Alan Smith, Daily Telegraph

It was a conflict rarely witnessed in the annals of sports. A clear-cut, zoroastrian struggle between the forces of light and darkness, good and evil, prudent and profligate, dignified and arrogant, patient and impetuous, traditional and iconoclastic, loyal and mercenary. It was a victory for the ages, when the voice of the people was heard, and the shouts of the children rang through the halls of power and shook the thrones of the rich and imperious. Roman Abramovich may be able to splash out three hundred milion pounds on players (and a manager) from around Europe, but he cannot buy the kind of deep-rooted, nigh-genetic loyalty that caused the Kop to ring out with lusty voice last Tuesday night. Chelski's crew of millionaires wilted in the glare of that red dawn as twenty years of patient tooth-grinding tolerance exploded into the realisation that dreams can come true and that future histories can record the moment local boys become legends. For too long have Scousers graciously borne the gloating, grinning jibes of Arsenal and Manchester United supporters with newly-minted allegiances. This was a time for heroes. And they strode onto that hallowed Anfield turf to a tinnitus-inducing thunderous ovation.
To segue for a moment, I'll try and explain this phenomenon to the North American contingent of my readership, miniscule though that number might be. Imagine if you will, the Edmonton Oilers. In the 1980's, they were a tremendous team. Arguably the greatest pro hockey team to have ever graced the frozen water. The roster of that squad are practically unanimously accepted to be Hall of Fame-bound, if they aren't there already. Their names are mentioned in hushed tones amongst the ice hockey cognoscenti - Gretzky, Kurri, Coffey, Anderson, Messier, Fuhr. Flash-forward to the present, where the Oilers are scrambling frantically every season to make the playoffs.
Now imagine that an Original Six team that has been around for years and never done jack squat in living memory - like the Chicago Blackhawks - is suddenly acquired by someone of the financial stature of Bill Gates, and they consequently splash out (and I do not exaggerate) a half-BILLION dollars to buy the best players from everyone in the league. Then they get a tremendously competent coach, who obnoxiously abuses the rules, the referees and the officials . The next season, they stomp everyone flat, setting a league record for most points in a season en route to their President's Trophy.
Now considering the current labour dispute which has caused professional hockey in North America to take a hiatus, not many neutral observers would be very impressed with such largesse, but the sale of Chicago Blackhawks merchandise would still increase significantly. Oilers fans would be asked to tolerate the taunts and jeers of the fans of the new juggernauts, and endure the spurious comparisons between the glory-days of their team and the accomplishments of the fabulously wealthy champions.
Then, much to the surprise of those who had heralded an end to the days of small-market teams having an ability to compete financially in the league, the Oilers blaze through the playoffs and meet Chicago in the Western Conference Final. (O, where has the Campbell Conference gone?) They then promptly knock the rich lads on their collective tuckus, sweeping them and not conceding a goal. The jubilation and delirium would be immense, and Jasper and Whyte Avenues would be seas of celebration.
So there's some perspective for you.
But back to the footy. After seeing Anfield ablaze in Liverpool red, one is tempted to consider other teams and venues in the greatest club championship in the world. There are the morons in Rome, whose patent idiocy led to the games being played against Leverkusen and Madrid at the Stadio Olimpico to be held behind closed doors. Now there's atmosphere for you. But there really is no excuse for the enormous Stadio Della Alpi sitting silent and empty, with less than seven thousand fans as Juventus played host to Ajax of Amsterdam. Sure, it's not the same Ajax team that won the Champion's Cup three times on the trot in the seventies, but what kind of fair-weather, glory houding mercenary of a fan would ignore his team when they are fighting for a place amongst the elite of the continent? Italian fans have given themselves a couple of black eyes in terms of their reputations around Europe already with the hooliganism, violence, and general stupidity, but now they have to contend with the perception that any Latin passion they once nurtured has everything to do with stabbing and beating each other, and nothing at all to do with The Beautiful Game. With a team of a pedigree as glorious as Juventus, one would expect something other than dispassionate indifference.
And so, I'm not missing the final on the 25th, come Hell or high water. I will quit my job (s) if need be, but this is what my distant relative Immanuel Kant would call a categorical imperative. What sort of misbegotten hypocrite would I be if I were to slang off all but a tiny minority of Italian footy fans and then display the same appalling lack of conviction?
And now, I must needs bid a fond textual adieu to all and sundry as I prepare to go down the pub and watch the penultimate game of the season, as Liverpool travel to Highbury to try and demolish the confused and oddly dispirited Gunners, whose form this year has been almost laughably disparate from their season last year, when they didn't lose a single game in the Premiership. What I hope transpires is that Thierry Henry misses out on the game due to a lack of match-fitness, Liverpool blitzkrieg them into submission, but they recover in time for their next match and clobber Everton. After all, Arsene Wenger has said that he will use playing form as his guide to selections in terms of the team he will field in the FA Cup final on the 21st, and Everton are opponents in close proximity to that date...
And so, good night England and the colonies. Cheerio.

-mARKUS

^+ Justice for the 96+^

14 March 2005

Musical Interlude.

Greetings, gentle readers.
Once, long ago, I promised that I would get around to my taxonomy of musical lyrics. This is me rather belatedly following up on that promise/threat. Years back, I was making a chronological mix of Beatles tracks, and began to notice a pattern that seemed to parallel the development of Lennon and McCartney's increasing artistic acumen. I meditated on how later Beatles songs had an entirely different lyrical feel to them, and wondered how to track the stages of the movement from their early, chirpy, pop-esque songs to their later ballads and introspective rhapsodies.
The answer as I saw it was based on the pronouns in the lyrics.
Early Beatles songs from the first LP releases were predominantly filled with lyrical content like the following from 1963:
Misery -
"I've lost her now for sure / I won't see her no more / It's gonna be a drag.../ Misery."
Please Please Me -
"Last night I said these words to my girl / I know you never even try, girl."
P.S. I Love You -
"As I write this letter / Send my love to you / Remember that I'll always / Be in love with you."
Love Me Do -
"Love, love me do / You know I love you / I'll always be true / So please, love me do."

Easy pattern to spot, really. The trend is even pronounced in the titles: "If I Fell", "I'll Be Back", "I'll Cry Instead.", "I Wanna Be Your Man.", "I'm a Loser", "I'll Follow The Sun," and "I Need You."
First person declarative lyrics, describing first hand emotions and events are de rigeur for this stage of lyrical development. At this level of maturity, the focus is on the lyricist and his experiences. Audiences are invited into the songwriter's world and try and sympathize with his situation. Essentially an ego-centric attitude is portrayed - one which integrates all experience into personal and reactive responses.
The next stages follow logically. As the songwriter is integrated more and more into the world of others, and learns to respect the feelings and perspectives of people outside of the self, the focus of the songs begins to change towards projection rather than interpolation.
The Beatles reach this stage around 1964-1965 with the LP "Help", driven I suspect by John's expanding imaginative capacity. There are a couple of early examples, but they don't become prevalent for another couple of years. "She Loves You" for example, wasn't even included on a Capital LP during its initial release. The following demonstrate the diversification of the narrative voice:
You've Got To Hide Your Love Away -
"Gather round all you clowns / Let me hear you say / Hey, you've got to hide your love away."
You're Gonna Lose That Girl -
"You're going to lose that girl / If you don't take her out tonight / She's going to change her mind."
Tell Me What You See -
"Open up your eyes now, tell me what you see / It is no surprise now, what you see is me."
The trend continues further through 1966's "Rubber Soul."
After starting to give more than token attention to other people outside of the self, the third stage is to integrate the self into a sense of community. The self and the second person merge into a second-person plural. "We all live in a yellow submarine.", "Two of us Sunday driving, not arriving, on our way back home.", "Why don't we do it in the road? No one will be watching us..." are all prime examples of how the lyricist has incorporated the world of others into his perspective. "All Together Now" pretty much sums it up.
The fourth stage, and you should all be way ahead of me on this one, is total third-person. No reference to the self or to the audience - just a story about someone outside of the emotional immediacy of that relationship, but within the universal emotional confluence of the human situation. The songs are no longer about "me" and "you" or "us" and "them", they are stories that exist in the greater social dialogue and provide insights varying according to the perspective of the observer. The Beatles no longer merely wanted to hold their fans' hands, or sail with them on a yellow submarine. instead, we are introduced to a whole cavalcade of characters, and what we think and make of them is our business and our prerogative. Father McKenzie, Eleanor Rigby, Maxwell Edison, Mother Nature's Son, Mean Mr. Mustard and Polythene Pam exist as individual literary entities, and any interpretations of their actions takes place entirely outside of the Beatles. We can negotiate however we like with them independently of personal involvement from the songwriters.
Finally, we reach Stage Five, which abandons characters and begins to speak in imagery and metaphor. Suddenly, we no longer need people to illustrate emotions, we can skip straight to sensory appeals and the general situation of negotiating with the world around us.
Across The Universe (1970) -
"Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup / They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe."
We no longer have to sympathize, empathize, relate, or pity characters, we can face the situations ourselves, and experience the emotions first-hand. Rather than watching someone and negotiating with what they're feeling, we find ourselves instead listening to blackbirds singing in the dead of night, and what we feel is real, because we create it.
Junk (1969) -
"Motorcars, handlebars, bicycles for two / Broken hearted jubilee / Parachutes, army boots, sleeping bags for two. "
This is the most advanced and mature lyrical structure for a song, and not surprisingly, the least commonly found.
So there you have it. My guide to the post-modern criticism of popular musical lyrics.
Now, if you'll forgive me, I'm going to begin working on my analysis and interpretation of Liverpool FC's last couple of matches, and my predictions on the conclusion of the Champions' League. Too much aesthetics gives me a headache. Time for some athletics, instead. Congratulations to everyone and anyone who managed to wade through this whole pile of tripe and emerging with any viable cognitive sense. My love goes out to all of you. Cheers,

-mARKUS
^+Justice for the 96+^

11 March 2005

No Quarter Finals Asked Or Given... To Leverkusen

Greetings, gentle readers.
In the wake of the monumental events of the past week, I thought that I should keep up with the footie world, as well as the turbulent currents of my soul, since footie is far more interesting. So here's what happened in the European Champions' League recently:
---------
Liverpool fans, having been officially declared the loudest and most enthusiastic supporters in England, took their ebullient road-show to Köln this week, and those that made the trip returned to Merseyside with their hearts aglow and with tales to astonish future and present children and grandchildren.
To start off, Tuesday evening was a night of festivities to rival those of great Red European adventures gone by in St. Etienne and Rome - with a twist.
A pair of scouse lads happened to pass by the Hyatt Hotel, where they spotted the Rafatollah himself - Rafael Benitez was just meandering out with assistant Pako Ayesteran and coach Alex Miller to try and find a quiet spot to watch the second half of the Chelsea - Barçalona match. The Liverpudlian duo, bedecked in Liverpool FC paraphernalia, promptly asked El Gaffer if he would come down the pub and watch the Manchester United v. Milan game with them. A bemused Rafa agreed, and trotted down to Jameson's Irish Pub, which was packed with a couple of hundred Red Scouse. Gasps of astonishment gave way to claps, cheers, songs, and an instant queue of punters with camera-equipped mobile phones wanting to have their piccies taken with the High Priest of Temple Anfield.
The Spaniard was struck dumb by the raw passion and emotion of the Liverpool crowd, and after shaking off the disbelief, a broad smile creased his face. As one, the heaving, chanting mass erupted in glee when Hernan Crespo hammered the nail in the coffin of Man United's European dreams this season. The song pulsed out:
"The famous Rafa Benitez went down the pub to see the lads,
The famous Rafa Benitez went down the pub to see the lads,
The famous Rafa Benitez went down the pub to see the lads,
And this is what he said: **** off!
Who the **** are Man United?
Who the **** are Man United?
Who the **** are Man United?
As the Reds go marching on!"

Personally, as I read about the event, I was humming the tune from Boney M's "Rasputin" and making up my own words:

"Then, one night, some kopites that were standing
In Cologne before the game
"Come down the pub with us", they kept demanding
And he really came...
Rah - Rah - Rafa B!
Manager of LFC
The night that Man United was gone
Rah - Rah - Rafa B!
Driver of the Red Machine
Through wind and rain, Liverpool carries on..."

*sigh*
Now there's poetry for you. Maybe I've been going about this poetry thing all wrong. I should be singing it from the Kop, not murmuring it Ted Hughes-style by a fireplace in a big leather chair with a snifter of cognac and a pipe in my hand. If anyone wants to turn my little ditty into a Kop song, please take up a collection for me to move to Merseyside. In case no one else has coined the term yet, I'll venture so far as to say that I'm anatoposic - I'm just stuck in the wrong place.
In any event, Liverpool went out onto the pitch the next day and despite my initial hesitancy about the 4-5-1 tactics and the negativity that seemed inherent in the system, rope-a-doped the increasingly desperate Germans until Stevie G put it into second gear and started spiking inch-perfect balls into the 18-yard box. By the time Liverpool were up 3-0, the travelling fans were in full song, and generous enough to applaud a lovely consolation goal from the hosts in the dying minutes of the game. Perhaps Rafa's little exposure to the raw, heartfelt commitment of the Red fans has given him that extra bit of insight and aplomb to stir the players into a higher level of dedication and graft. Stephen Warnock certainly demonstrated his desire for a regular first-team slot by making one of the finest tackles of the season, and the hope remains that the Spanish Armada can fuse with the Scouse Spirit and create something greater than the sum of its parts. One trophy left at which to shoot, and it's the big one, boys and girls. Fingers crossed. Knickers twisted. We await the next draw with trembling anticipation, not hesitant apprehension. Let the other teams fear a draw against us.
And so once more I bid a fond adieu to my loyal readers... whom I'm sure number in the single digits, and solemnly promise to post more often and perhaps even start serial-posting my novel, so that people can start giving me constructive feedback and hopefully accelerating the project along. Adieu... adieu... remember me...
Cheers,

-mARKUS
^+Justice for the 96+^

10 March 2005

Sweetness and Love.

Greetings, gentle readers.
So apparently, I'm a sweet guy. Within the space of a week, I've experienced three different women from three different areas of the universe express the belief that I am sweet. This was vaguely unsurprising at the Metro, where I've been such a long-term resident that all staff and most regulars are like an extended family, but when receiving such apparent compliments from women in England and Calgary as well, it starts to become part of a larger pattern being woven.
Obviously, "sweet" must be a euphemism for something far more insightful of the situation. "Harmless", perhaps, or even "some girl would be really lucky to have him... some OTHER girl." I have documentation of some of times the adjective has been applied to me - proof, if you will. So now, I'm getting eerily spooked by its use. During my recent trip to Calgary, we went to Moxie's for some nosh and bevvies, and I was actually approached separately by our server - a rather fetching lass named Leah - and told that I was a really sweet guy who demonstrated a consideration for other people that she'd never seen before. Normally, cause for me to blush. Instead, I found myself inwardly wincing at the word "sweet."
"Guys like you are a dying breed," she breathed as she left. I left my final comment unspoken as it popped into my head.
"That's because we don't reproduce."
Later that night, I found myself at Michaelangelo's, a rather dim hole-in-the-wall sort of place reminiscent of a tiny village pub with a startlingly large selection of international beverages. The barmaid, a rather fetching blonde girl with soft Gaelic features named Carrie, soon started a conversation and before long, we were deeply embroiled in a deep and thoughtful discussion of the psychology of the fashion industry. Carrie is apparently a stock model, who does generalized photo shoots and has recently had her face appear on the Rogers'/AT&T Ten Dollar Pay-As-You-Go card in Canada. She expressed concern about the egos and conflicts seemingly inherent in the fashion industry, and it's because of that discussion that we move to our first big digression:

-----------------
The Eye of the Beholder
Are fashion models really no more than ambulatory mannikins? Clothes hangers with human dimensions? If people really care about the clothes, what care they for the walking scaffolding that displays the fashion?
In the high-paced, high-pressure world of high fashion, it's all about surfaces and appearances. Clothing has slowly grown into a means of marketing ourselves. They have become the outward advertising which displays what we wish others to know about our individuality or lack thereof. In short, they are the superficial billboards that we use to display aspects of our inner selves. The advent of the multi-millionaire "supermodel" was prefaced by an explosion of interest in fashion as a vehicle of expression, and the influx of money and media exposure created celebrities of those who were used to market the clothes.
So what evolved is a systematic increase of emphasis on the external and the superficial, and a corresponding decrease in terms of perceived value of internal and authentic. In an era where models are perceived as spoilt prima donnae, the media tends to exaggerate any tales of naughty, haughty, arrogant, or petulant behaviour. Some people resent the likes of Naomi Campbell, Tyra Banks, Heidi Klum, etc. because they perceive them as being vacuous, talentless tarts who get paid big money to look pretty and glamorous.
I'm not going to launch into an expansive defence of models by droning on for paragraphs about what a hard and gruelling life it is to be a fashion model. My theory, though, may go some way towards creating a more balanced depiction of the dynamics at play in the world of professional pulchritude.
Essentially, if the clothes have come to be considered more significant and representative of identity and character, and if physical beauty is held in higher regard than integrity or intelligence, wit or wisdom, mettle or magnanimity, then the models who are shoved onto catwalks to market strips of cloth are like the Eastern European dolls which open to reveal smaller and smaller versions of themselves.
The clothing is the first thing that compacts and confines the ego of a model. There is attention being paid, and there are bank accounts being filled, but how much of that is down to hard work or aptitude? How many beautiful and talented women never make the huge payrolls because they weren't picked up by Karl Lagerfeld or Versace? So there's negative reinforcement, part one.
The second is the actual physical beauty. How much of that beauty can be directly attributed to the character and virtue of the model? How big a part did genetics or science play in the development of that beauty, and how much of a role did hard work and creativity play?
The third slap in the proverbial chops for a model's self esteem is the level of exposure that is afforded to them as celebrities. Every gaffe or misstep is magnified, and becomes a dagger of humiliation. Brooke Shields' now infamous quotation that "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." is a perfect demonstration of how quickly someone can go from glamour queen to gibbering dunderhead.
When you get to the last doll of the set, it's a very small, lonely, and vulnerable one. Imagine a person who not only has glamour and elegance to thank for a living and a career, but who has entered into a world where the exterior is the only thing that merits esteem. Anyone used to basking in the warm glow of the affections of others would begin to feel a tad brittle when they begin to find that their personality and character are considered irrelevant and worthless. The love and care of others is only extended so long as their appearance is kept up.
The natural defence mechanism to protect this fragile inner self is to pre-empt any hostility. Insecurity breeds all sorts of silly behaviour, and modelling is a profession practically designed to produce insecurity.
Hence the temper tantrums, the sarky remarks, the arrogance and the all-around confrontational behaviour patterns demonstrated by the members of the modelling profession are not entirely unpredictable. They are people who live in fear and nagging self-doubt, and the last thing they need is for someone to tell them that they are nothing but a really attractive looking slab of meat, since that's what the little voice that only speaks in the quietest silences says to them.

------------------
So anyway, during our conversation with Carrie, both Kelly and I were waiting for her to say the "s" word and just really cap off the whole evening. But we were pleasantly surprised to find that she dodged that particular adjective adroitly. So either my theory about "sweet" being some sort of euphemism had limited applicability, or was total bunk. Then again, I wasn't behaving particularly sweetly - I was in critical thinking mode.
And so now, I must needs close this particular episode of rifling through my cerebral cortex, and get back to the problems of the real world. Will be back soon to hammer out my thoughts on this week's European Champions' League Round of 16 knockout action. And ooo, will it ever be dramatic. Until then: chins up, heads high, eyes front and upper lip stiff everyone. Cheers,

-mARKUS

^+Justice for the 96+^

23 February 2005

Tremulous Trepidation.

Greetings, gentle readers.
The past week has been a turbulent one, with my previous life issuing forth vaporous apparitions of memory from whatever shallow grave it was unceremoniously dumped all those years ago. I had thought that most of the residual traces of my life prior to my sojourns to Africa and Europe had vanished. Apparently not. The cascade of madness down memory lane began a week ago, when the latest batch of trainees were released onto the floor of my office.
As the newly initiated milled about the floor, navigating the labyrinthine conglomeration of cubicles and corridors, one lass caught my eye. And held it. The fabric of the universe stretched very thin for a moment as two simultaneous cartoon thought balloons manifested just below the flickering flourescent lights - "I know that person from somewhere..."
It took a couple of days and a few blind alleys before it struck me. I was a student teacher in 1998, and Sarah was a grade 10 pupil. Having opened that can of worms, all sorts of associations and recollections came flooding back. Having discovered one former student, I found myself asking more and more questions. Whatever became of those children in the intervening seven or eight years since I stood before them in a classroom? Charlett and Marcus from St. Rose Junior High, Carly and Jamie from St. Francis Xavier High School. Does anyone still remember me? Did I make an impact on someone's life? Now that they're all adults, what do they recall of the goofy and awkward English teacher that waltzed in and out of their classroom for a couple of months? Answers on a postcard, please.
Meanwhile, Liverpool have tragically stumbled again, losing the League Cup Final to Chelski in extra time. No FA Cup, no League Cup, and with only fourth place in the League to play for, the Champions' League is the last remaining chance for silverware. The lack of trophies is particularly worrisome when considering the fate of young Stevie G, who was unlucky enough to be the poor blighter who scored an own goal, thus allowing Chelski to come into the game and punish Liverpudlian profligacy with two late strikes to bury the Reds' chances. And if there is a serious dearth of glory at the close of the season, speculation about a high-profile move for the young captain will dominate the back pages of all the newspapers. If Stevie wants to go, there will not be any shortage of interested parties with shedloads of swag. The ever-voracious Madrilenos will be waving their millions, while the blue Londoners have the Abramovich fortunes to fuel their bid.
And my TELUS stock matures this week, while stock prices are soaring. Hopefully this translates into a hefty whack of cash so that my forthcoming road trip to Calgary can be filled with over-indulgence and decadence. Looking forward to hitting the old Cow-town stomping grounds and catching up with people I haven't seen in over a year and a half.
Will be back at a later time with more news and updates from the world as I know it. Must also try and get back to working on my novel, since the things has been stalled out for months now. So until next time, good night England and the colonies. Cheers,

-mARKUS
^+Justice for the 96+^
http://jdsilentio.blogspot.com

05 February 2005

It's been a long time coming...

Greetings, gentle readers.
Ah, the neglect of it all. So many things to discuss, so many things to say, so many assertions and commentaries to make. The world of sports spins onward, the terrifying destructive power of nature has been unleashed, and my life continues its chaotic, Brownian-motion descent into madness and despair. The days just seem to run together in some sort of quiet concatenation; time passes, the sun rises, the sun sets, the paycheques are cashed, the ambiguity has put on weight.
Where to begin? The Indian Ocean tsunami that wiped out over an eighth of a million people? Totally my fault. I happened to be listening to the Manic Street Preachers' "Tsunami" over the Christmas holidays, and thus subconsciously encouraged the natural disaster. Of course, now the song is ruined, since it has ceased to be a metaphor for the powerful currents of love, and has instead become a literal representation of powerful ocean currents that kill tens of thousands of people. Shame, really. Some of the catchiest sitar riffs since George Harrison was hanging with Ravi Shankar, ironically at the Concert for Bangladesh.
To briefly touch on the American Gridiron Championship, or as I've already termed it "The Thirty Year Anniversary Since a Team From Philadelphia Won Anything At All," I'm somewhat hesitant to open my big yap and boldly proclaim the Eagles champions ahead of the facts. But really - Philly needs another championship. I was two years old when the Flyers won the Stanley Cup for the second time, and every time since then when they've been good, something catastrophic happens. When they were good in the 80's, the Oilers became the greatest professional ice hockey team in history. And thumped the Flyers profoundly.
When the Flyers were good in the 90's, they had to play in a labour-conflict-shortened season, and failed again. The Flyers are actually a good team AGAIN, but this time there's no ice hockey at all. The Eagles have to bear the burden of that awesome responsibility for once. Even though they are depressingly consistent. The Eagles of yesteryear played the most bizarre brand of smash-mouth American rugby under the direction of Randall Cunningham. I used to love reading the box-scores of their games, just because it was always something weird. The scores would be 15-11 or something equally ludicrous, with unconverted touchdowns, blocked punts, safeties, and a host of other anomalies filling the scoresheet. Now they just win all their games by double-digits. Ho hum.
Liverpool have won again, this time against the Craven Cottagers of Fulham. Despite the heroics of Edwin Van Der Sar in net, Chris Coleman's Fulham finally succumbed to an awesome display of possession football which denied their midfield space, and kept their defenders running about like proverbial headless chickens. Fernando Morientes is finally coming into his own with another goal to augment the tally he began against Charlton. Vladimir Smicer is finally back from injury, and he's looking sharp. Stevie G and Jar-Jar were impeccable as always, spraying quality passes all over the pitch to keep possession, and the Dude looks as though he might hang onto the goalkeeping duties for a while yet. In short, the team has now won three straight, and it looks like they're finally starting to hit a good stride.
This past week has seen me blast out some rather lengthy and bloated e-mails, and for what it's worth, my apologies go out to Melnychuk and Laura for my rather purple prose which may have exceeded any brief that was extended to me. It's one thing to ask me for a commentary on an advertisement I haven't seen. It's something else again for me to draw the historical development of the field of marketing from the Industrial Revolution through the American Nadir period and the English Victorian Era to the post-modern nuclear society. Perhaps if I turned it into an interpretive dance, rather than the reams and reams of dead tree products that were encompassed by my rambling, meandering monologue, I would be more environmentally conscientious. Or at least seem that way. Hmm. Important principle of marketing: contrary to what Sprite ad execs say, image is everything.
I'm reminded of the scene from "The Exorcist III" where the demon possessing Father Karras speaks about the nature of reality.
"In this box you call a world, we cannot touch except through bodies." he raves.
Synthesize that with Erwin Rommel's famous saying that, "in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king," and you get a rather depressing picture of human interaction as a very shallow and superficial affair, where depth and authenticity are the exception rather than the rule, and the arrogant and pompous triumph. People follow the carrion crow's pursuit of bright, shiny things, and love crawls on all fours.
Damn, there I go waxing lyrical again. Gotta rein that in at some point. Also have to stop spraying academic references about like cat urine.
So after I finish concatenating (the word of the day, kiddiewinkies) a few e-mails and doing some editing, I should be able to post up some guest columns and other such interesting diversions. People must be sick to death of reading the same inane drivel I keep spouting. We've got to change it up a little, kick it up a notch, and several other pop-culture catchphrases.
Watch this space. There will be developments and descriptions to astonish and astound. I may even decide to trill off a small diatribe dealing with my employment at TELUS, and maybe even shut up about Liverpool FC for once. So until later, cheerio and best of luck to everyone.

-mARKUS
^+Justice for the 96+^
http://jdsilentio.blogspot.com

08 January 2005

Like Sands in an Hourglass...

Greetings, gentle readers.
And welcome to the bright and brave new world of Anno Domini 2005. Following a horrific holiday season which has left me in a seriously perilous sleep-deficit condition, I am finally back in circulation, and able to begin further dissemination of my twisted ideas, ill-advised schemes, and inappropriate observations.
First of all, I'm trying to elevate my pool game to the lofty height it once occupied. If anyone is game to be a metaphorical punching bag on the green felt, I can often be found here: http://www.metrobilliards.com/
And I'm looking to move into a loft apartment two blocks away, so if anyone wants to donate money to the "Get Markus out of the West End" fund, just try clicking on the adverts on the right margin. I get paid for every link clicked, so you don't actually need to buy anything - just go and look at some pretty pictures for a while, and try and swell my coffers so that I can qualify for a hugely debilitating mortgage. Here is the link to a walkthrough of the apartment:
http://www.worthington.ca/residential_the_ten.php
And if you want to know where these places are, and how they relate to my work at TELUS (10035-102 Avenue) and at Align Com (10665 Jasper Avenue), you can check out this map of downtown Edmonton:
http://www.cs.ualberta.ca/about/edmonton/downtownmap/
or this one:
http://www.discoveredmonton.com/Maps/CityMaps-Flash/EdmontonMap.html
Basically, if I can get into my new digs, I'll be within a four-block radius of everything important. Except my local in London:
http://dukeofkendal.tripod.com/
So click on the adverts and help me raise enough money to move to the hub of activity in Edmonton. Please?
In other news, Liverpool are storming up the table, and, though they've had their third round FA Cup tie against Burnley delayed due to a soggy pitch, they are still a going concern in all four competitions. Shame that Oldham Pathetic knocked Manchester City out of the FA Cup, but they didn't play Robbie Fowler, so they obviously deserve to be ridden out of the competition on a rail. Aston Villa also went out to lower-league opposition in the form of Sheffield United, so there's room for fans of both teams to commiserate.
And thanks to everyone for helping me revise and update the Top 20 List of Wonderfully Attractive Women, and it looks as though there will be a shake-up of that list in the close-season. Hillary Clinton, Ali Landry and Natalie Portman are veering toward relegation, and look for Nina Elizabet Persson, Kelley Law, Jody Vance and Rosamund Pike to push for promotion to the top-flight. Portman might still be able to salvage something from the season if she does a phenomenal job playing Evey Hammond in the still-in-the-planning-stages film version of Alan Moore's classic graphic novel "V for Vendetta." Heather Godberson is another dark horse that could upset the promotion playoff picture. Jennifer Love Hewitt looks anything but safe near the bottom of the table, but she also comprises almost all of the "fluffy bit o' crumpet" niche, and thus prevents the entry of vacuous, bland bits of totty like Avril Lavigne, the Duff and Simpson sisters, various tennis players, the respective casts of "Sex in the City" and "Desperate Housewives", and former actresses from "Baywatch". In other words, she's the best of a bad lot, and her inclusion preserves the dignity of the other 95% of the list.
Right-o. I'm done work here at TELUS in ten minutes, and I'm scheduled to do an appointment at the proposed new digs tomorrow at noon, so I'll just sign off here, and bid everyone a happy and prosperous new year. Remember, not clicking on the ads to the right makes Baby Jesus cry. Cheers,

-mARKUS
^+Justice for the 96+^

26 December 2004

The Penultimate Ponderings of 2004.

Greetings, gentle readers.
Sometime in the hopefully not too-distant future, I'll invent a gravitational field generator which will allow me to penetrate the fabric of space-time and allow me to return to the past. Why? If for no other reason, money. Scads and scads of wonga. Filthy lucre. This year saw some of the most incredible underdog, unlikely long-shot, and unbelievable cinderella stories in sports history. Anyone who laid money on the most unheralded possibilities would have made an absolute mint. Anywhere in the world.
In South America, Once Caldas, a relatively unknown team from Colombia, won the Copa Libertadores, wresting it from all the superpower teams in Chilé, Brazil, and Argentina. In North America, the Boston Red Sox broke an 86 year jinx to win the curiously named World Series against the most expensive team in North American professional sports, the New York Yankees. Earlier in the same baseball season, 40 year-old Randy Johnson pitched a perfect game. The Tampa Bay Lightning won the Stanley Cup in ice hockey. Let me repeat that. A Florida expansion team won the most prestigious club cometition in ice hockey history against fellow underdog Calgary Flames, who have one of the lowest payrolls in the NHL. The Toronto Argonauts, rank outsiders at best, won North America's oldest club competition in the CFL Grey Cup. In Europe, FC Porto met fellow long-shots AS Monaco in the Champions' League Final game and won, astounding and baffling huge-spending teams like Arsenal, Chelsea, Réal Madrid, Internazionale, AC Milan, Barcelona, Bayern Munich and Juventus. Argentina won their first-ever Olympic football gold medal. And Greece - the least favoured of all the teams in the entire competition with the possible exception of Latvia - captured the European Championship crown.
A year of upsets, reversals, and statistical anomalies, to be sure. It made for some stomach-churning emotional roller-coasters, but when the Davids toppled the Goliaths over and over again, it brought back some of the romance of the entire concept of sport. That any group of people playing as a team, on any given day, could emerge triumphant against the forces of determinism. Sport is about passion and commitment. It's about the human spirit striving for excellence. And you can't put a price-tag or a probability factor on that. 11 well-trained and organized Greeks, marshalled by an iron-willed German triumphed over the highly touted, and extravagantly paid superstars of the host team of Portugal. Twice. In the same tournament. A group of colleagues whose primary ambition was to make their country proud, and with a blazing desire to play for their teammates overthrew an all-star team containing some of the greatest talent of their age. As with the Boston Red Sox, and with Once Caldas, it wasn't simply a case of grit over technique, it was a case of teams triumphing over individuals.
One might notice that when watching adverts for American professional team sports, television networks and advertisers tend to glorify the indivdual. It's not the Miami Heat vs. the Indiana Pacers, it's SHAQUILLE O'NEAL and his Miami Heat taking on REGGIE MILLER and his Indiana Pacers. The quest for the superstar not only simplifies things for the presumably simple-minded public so they don't have to worry about knowing all those names on the team, but also creates marketing icons that can be used to flog all sorts of overpriced athletic rubbish. That sort of philosophy can be best demonstrated in the contrasting philosophies of two companies - Nike and Adidas. Nike adverts revel in the accomplishment of the single athlete. Their basketball commercials are almost invariably one-one one competitions, including the Michael Jordan ad several years ago where retiring Michael plays himself, fifteen years younger. Purchasing Nike products, they suggest, gives one the power to excel and be the best. Alone. Unfettered by pesky teammates or an annoying supporting cast to steal one's limelight. Adidas adverts, on the other hand, celebrate team achievement. Is this a European vs. North American concept? Odd that a continent which has been so focused on divisiveness for the better part of a millenia should start to grasp the importance of the unifications of Germany and Italy almost 150 years ago now, while the Americans are still floundering around in the concept of nationalism. Relative maturity of civilizations, one might suspect.
In recent news, Liverpool thrashed poor West Bromwich Albion on Boxing Day. If I wasn't so exuberant about the 'Pool winning just their second away match of the season in the Premier Division, I would feel sorry for the poor Baggies who are staring relegation in the face, and looked like Liliputians facing Brobdingnagians against the Merseysiders. If their manager Bryan Robson hadn't spent most of his playing career in crutches, he would have lived up to his title as "Captain Marvel" for England. As it stands, he took control of a team in a downward spiral and has not won a game since. He's driving the team bus and it's going express. Down. Their promotion to the big league now looks to be a rather large fluke, and the communal hesitancy and lack of confidence against the established teams has now turned from speculation to fact.
Lamentably for Albion fans, their team had about as much bite as an earthworm, and their defensive shape collapsed immediately after Cosmin Contra decided that he'd rather play volleyball than football, and was consequently sent off with a red card.
Liverpool could already have been predicted winners because, despite having a number of starters missing, the cobbled-together team had Albion chasing shadows from the get go, with John-Arne Riise the most bloodthirsty of the lot, and Stevie G once more the father of invention from midfield. Once down to ten men, the Baggies were like a bleeding calf to a school of piranha. There are two important things to draw from this result from a Liverpool point of view. From an Albion point of view, the only conclusion to draw is that the opposition in the League Championship (formerly Division 1) should be scouted now, before relegation changes from possibility to fact. In terms of the Reds, two things are important: it's always great to run up the occasional cricket score to bolster the confidence of your forward players and it's always nice to keep a clean sheet while doing so; and two, the win was so comfortable that lads like Steve Finnan, Milan Baros and Stevie G were able to sub off the pitch early and thus not expend all of their energy ahead of the game against Southampton on Tuesday.
This leads nicely into the next segment: Predictions. Liverpool over So'ton. I say 4-1, because James Beattie always poaches one about every second game, and he's overdue. Stevie G has got to be chomping at the proverbial bit, having only scored once on four good attempts against WBA and the Riise is so over-full with confidence that he'll shoot on a clearance from his own end. Everyone wants to jump on the bus, and everyone wants to score. Enthusiasm is infectious.
Next: remember when I said that Barcelona would win La Liga? Who doubted me? Hang your heads. When I said they'd get turfed from the Copa Del Rey, who thought I was mad? Rue your poor judgement, little ones. And as for transfers, it looks as though Madrid will want to hang on to St. Michael, seeing as how he's spared them blushes in at least five games already this season, so I'd plump for Morientes from Madrid if I were on the board at LFC. Morientes and Mellor would be evil, Morientes and Baros might be lethal for any opponents. And with those three to play with until the return of the Djib, the striking positions are safe as houses, particularly with the Pongo doing as well as he's done without Tony the T backing him up in midfield. Those two have a strange psychic connection that I think Pongo is just now starting to extend to others. His last two goals against Olympiakos and West Brom were as the result of split-second timing and inch-perfect passes from Harry Kewell and Riise, respectively. The level of intuition and understanding necessary for such passes indicates that perhaps Flo-Sin-Po is finally learning to play with others besides his childhood friends. He's also turning into a good target man like Mellor, rather than a holder or attacker, like Morientes and Baros. Having two of each would lend Liverpool a nicely balanced strike force in the box. The big problem with Morientes, and I've said it before on this very page, is that he's cup-tied in Europe, and thus cannot play for Liverpool in any Champions' League games. That's getting very important as we head into the elimination round.
So sports in 2004 was a wacky adventure in speculation and bewilderment. Somehow, the realms of political science and entertainment just seem drab and uninteresting by comparison. How many American soldiers died unnecessarily in Afghanistan? Too many. End of story. Who won the elections in Ukraine? Was there a hard-line Communist or a Fascist totalitarian in the race? No. Then who cares? Aside from taking bets on which HIV-AIDS-ravaged and impoverished African country will experience the next round of genocidal civil war, the only thing to do internationally is marvel at the inept blunderings of the American political apparatus as it lumbers around like a drunken schoolyard bully.
Entertainment is even worse. Which fatuous, self-involved celebrity has gotten married/divorced, delivered a payload of life or been sent to rehab this year? The same cast of arrogant morons that made similarly ill-advised and catastrophic life-commitments last year. The only real drama or surprise would come from those multimillionaire miscreants that DIDN'T get hitched, ditched, preggers or busted. And the vast collection of talentless nobodies that oozes forth from that effluent of mediocrity that constitutes reality television are too contemptible for words. So let's all chant the American entertainment industry mantra together: "Lowest Common Denominator."
So happy holidays, a wonderful festive season and a merry non-denominational, politically correct, and culturally/ethnically neutral euphemism to you all. Let's all cross our extremities and hope for a very prosperous new year. Back soon to conclude my 2004 broadcasting year.
Cheers,

-mARKUS
^+Justice for the 96+^

09 December 2004

Frustration and Vindication.

Greetings, gentle readers.
Hoo-boy. Before I get onto my next exciting installment of the trials and tribulations of human gender interaction, I've got to put down my thoughts on the past couple of day's action in the World of Footy. The Champions' League has finally wrapped up the last round of league play, and we've now entered... THE ELIMINATION PHASE. Of course, the whole damn tournament used to be an elimination phase, but that was in the good old days, before the big money teams like Manchester United could lose 3-0 to Fener-kebab-shoppos and still prance merrily through to the next round.
So, going into the sixth round of the group stage, there were areas of drama and suspense, but a terrific number of instances of scenarios with all the dynamism of a damp squib and all the tension of a runny bowel movement. Juve, for example, clinched qualification for the next round back in the fourth game. After winning all first four games, they were not to be toppled. When they won the fifth game, they clinched first place. That made the sixth game against Bayern Münich a bit of a doddle. So they played out the string and drew one another, since neither Ajax or Maccabi Tel Aviv had a mathematical chance of catching either of them. That group was done after the fifth round. One is reminded of the 1978 World Cup where the Germans and the Austrians had a final game where only a draw would see them both through to the next round. So they passed the ball around for 90 minutes and walked off, each feeling fantastic. Their group opponents, however, were understandably peeved.
Man U and Lyon were also guaranteed shoo-ins for the next round, so they just didn't care, with the previously hapless Turks ripping Manchester apart, despite the fact that not even a cricket score could get them into the next round.
The interesting matches were three-fold. First, already failed challengers Roma faced Réal Madrid. Roma had the potential to play spoilers, since if they won, they would eliminate Réal from contention and dump them into the UEFA Cup. unfortunately, they picked an afternoon when Ronaldo and Luis Figo decided to show up to play, and were promptly kicked to the kerb 3-0. Ronaldo scored the first, then earned a penalty which Figo calmly dispatched, and then Figo gunned in a long range bullet to send the dismal Italians to the bottom of the group and out of European competition for the season in front of an empty stadium, due to the stupidity of Roman fans.
The real group that had everyone reaching for their slide rules, calculators, PDA's, Excel spreadsheets, and Cray supercomputers was Group A. With one match remaining, Olympiakos of Athens had 10 points, Monaco had 9, Liverpool had 7, and Deportivo La Coruña was on 2. So Depor was a non-starter, but could play the role of spoiler. If the Spaniards beat Monaco, Liverpool could leapfrog them and they and the Greeks would both qualify. If Depor and Monaco drew one another, then a Liverpool win would set up a huge computation of goal-differential and then matches for/against one another. It would take several paragraphs to outline the different scenarios, and it would baffle the majority of people not thoroughly immersed in Lobachevskian mathematical treatises.
Bottom line - for Liverpool to have a chance to go through, they would need a win. The actual scoreline would depend on what the French team did. Should Monaco win, Liverpool (having lost 1-0 away to Olympiakos) would either need a clean sheet (no away goals for the Greeks) and at least a 1-0 win, or else they would have to win the game by two clear goals. It was always going to be a tense match-up.
I was home by early afternoon from work, and spent the evening waiting for the game by tidying up the domicile and playing FIFA 2005. Fervently. By the time 2200h rolled around, I was pumped. I had my LFC sweatshirt and scarf on. I was getting chills up and down my spine, though admittedly those might have been from the icy draughts ghosting through the place from the bitter winter wind outside.
So I found myself in front of the telly, eyes grainy from lack of sleep, but brain and blood seething with anticipation. The line-up looked promising, but I picked out a couple of problems right from the get-go. Didi Hamann was out through two-yellow-card suspension, and Luis Garcia was out through injury. Milan Baros was back to spearhead the attack, though this was his first game back after recovering from injury, so his match fitness might not be exactly what it was when he led the scoring during Euro '04 in Portugal. Stevie G was again at the heart of midfield; Kewell, the waltzing midfielder was pushed forward into an inside left channel, while John-Arne Riise took his spot on the left of midfield. Nuñes and Dr. X were operating on the right of midfield while the defence was led by the Hÿypie and the eternally impressive Jamie Carragher in the centre, with Finnan on the right and (shudder) Djimi Traoré on the left. Hey, I like Jimmy, but I've never seen a solid performance out of him anywhere other than on the reserve team.
So my first hesitation was Jimmy. At left back. One of the most critical spots on the pitch. The theory goes like this: if you're out wide and you want to kick a ball and hit a teammate in the 18-yard box, you'll use the foot nearest the touch line, and swing it toward the net. Since most people are right-footed, that means that the most dangerous crosses should come from the offensive right side. Precisely where one finds the defending left-back. Not a place to put a jittery virtual rookie against the likes of Rivaldo and Giovanni, both members of the '98 World Cup-winning team.
Second hesitation: who was going to cover defensive midfield duties? Who was going to shield the back four against balls over the top of midfield? Didi could do it well, Diao could do a half-assed job, but neither of them was in the team. That meant that the team had to push up hard and not leave much room between midfield and the back four. And that means that it would be very difficult to play the offside trap. The only tactic that would work would be "Attack! Attack! Attack, attack, attack!" and press forward so hard with possession that the Greek defense would have to clear the ball far enough that Chris Kirkland could sprint out of net to cover the space left behind the back four.
Third cause of apprehension: Nuñez may have dragged his fragile Iberian butt off the injury roster, but he hasn't proven anything to anyone yet. He's certainly not my first choice ahead of the unavailable Garcia and Hamann. But the squad is a bit thin on the ground, so that's a risk I suppose the gaffer felt he had to take. Personally, I would have played either Mellor or Florent Sinama-Pongolle up front to have a proper striking tandem and pulled Kewell back into central-left midfield, instead of forward.
So, trembling with anticipation and quivering with worry, the match kicked off. One word describes Liverpool's start - electric. With Kewell exchanging passes with Jar-Jar on the left, Liverpool surged forward and began showering the increasingly distressed Nikopolidis in the Olympiakos net. They had three corner kicks in the first 75 seconds. The shelling was symptomatic of the possession and power Liverpool exerted. The coils of the Red Serpent were tightening, and squeezing... squeezing... Shot after shot.
Baros has a goal disallowed for a fictitious foul. The ball crosses the line through the air and is cleared after the fact by a defender, only for the referee to blow his whistle and point to a spot which had been completely devoid of any Liverpool players. A call for a Greek handball is ignored by the ref. A brilliant play involving Stevie G backheeling the ball from the TOP OF THE 18-YARD BOX flashes though the crowds there only to crash against the post with Nikopolidis beaten.
The Greeks had no answers for the questions Liverpool were directing at them. But the nagging doubts remained. Traoré was slipping and stumbling and losing possession on a regular basis, but the Riise-Krispy was covering for his teammate's gaffes. Nuñez was looking a bit lost when Liverpool didn't have the ball, but seemed alright moving forward. And so far, the defence was holding its shape, with Jamie Carragher at his do-or-die, lionhearted best. In fact, it was Carra who spared Jimmy blushes when he darted in out of nowhere to deny Olympiakos the ball on a ball drifted in from that wing.
Suddenly, all of my fears coalesced into one luminescent spheroid. A ball chipped over Nuñez' head hit Rivaldo in the no-man's land where a defensive midfielder would have been. He then drifted past a distraught Jimmy, and lunged for the space between Carragher and Hÿypia. The big Finn tried to nonchalantly hip check the nippy forward, who threw himself to the ground enthusiastically. A dangerous free-kick for the Greeks, and the Brazilian bounced to his feet to take it.
If you've ever had a sibling, you'll know that the best way to get someone off balance is to resist very hard at first when they try and push you, and then suddenly give way. Bend like a reed in the wind, like Kyle McLachlan in "Dune". When a directed force unexpectedly loses the resistance facing it, that force quickly loses its focus. And so it was with the Liverpool defensive wall facing Rivaldo's free-kick. With Carra and Sami forming an imposing duo at the centre of the wall, the far right end of the wall (facing the ball), near the centre "D" of the top of the 18-yard box, was held by Nuñez. Of course, being at the edge of the wall, he had an Olympiakos player shoving him, and he was shoving back to hold his position. Just as Rivaldo was making his run up, Nuñez's marker suddenly dropped off, and Antonio was suddenly shoving empty space. He peeled off the wall, and Rivaldo motored a shot into the gap. Kirkland was frozen and the ball sailed into the back of the net. 1-0 to the group leaders. Completely against the run of play, and a cruel setback.
By this point, news was trickling in from La Coruña. Monaco was opening the hapless Spaniards up like crawdads at a Louisiana all-you-can-eat party. One-nil. Then two. As Monaco was roaring up the table, it became obvious that the only place left for Liverpool to fight for was second. Not only did they need to win the game, but they had to edge Olympiakos in goal differential. That meant that they needed to win the game by two goals, and that meant that Liverpool suddenly had sixty minutes to conjure up at least three goals against a team that had given up only one solitary goal in their last FIFTEEN games. No man in red let his head drop, but there were some bleak looks as Finnan and Nuñez passed each other.
The Kop wouldn't let their team lie down, though. The songs rang out, drowning the exuberant cheers of the sizable away support. As the first half began to wind down, Liverpool had won seven corners to Olympiakos' one. The chants of "Attack! Attack! Attack-Attack-Attack!" echoed in the evening air. Incisive passing, dominating possession, and viciously powerful shooting had come to naught, and suddenly, there was only 45 minutes left to score three goals.
As the lads made it down the tunnel to the dressing room, a quick glance into the corner scoreboard revealed that Monaco were putting on an exhibition. Three-nil over the Spaniards.
Fifteen minutes later, a very grim Jamie Carragher and the rest of the lads jogged back out of the tunnel to rapturous applause, and a thunderous chorus of "You'll Never Walk Alone". Stevie G paused and looked at the upraised scarves and replica jerseys all around him and gritted his teeth.
The gaffer had made a change. The hesitant and unimpressive Djimi Traore was out. In was the Pongo. Florent Sinama-Pongolle had come on as a second striker, and, rather than do as I would have done and shuffle Riise into left-back and move Kewell out to the wing, the boss decided to go with only three at the back, five in midfield, and two men forward. A dangerous risk, considering that mobility is not Hÿypia's strong point, and suddenly, there is a lot of space behind the midfield front line. The wide midfielders - Riise and Nuñez - dropped a little, ready to rush back and help out if the Greeks ever tried a route-one ball over the top. They needn't have bothered. Stevie G had come to play. Cometh the hour, cometh the man. And he had arrived.
From the kick-off, the ball was his. He stroked it about masterfully, distributing it with class and holding it up stolidly against many fierce and reckless challenges. Within two minutes of the kick-off, one of his inch-perfect balls found Kewell streaking outside wide left. The Australian, having been such a disappointment so often this season, suddenly flashed a moment of genius and eluded his marker, deftly nipping toward goal along the line. He spiked a ball laterally, right across Nikopolidis and hit... Florent Sinama-Pongolle. The deftest of arial taps, and the ball nestled in the back of the net. Practically the young French talent's first touch, and Liverpool were back in the game. The Liverpool fans went ecstatic. The Olympiakos end suddenly began to fret and frown a little. One nil was a perfect score for them. It meant qualification at the top of the group, and Liverpool's elimination. One-all meant qualification, but behind Monaco who were now thrashing Deportivo four-nil. And Liverpool had finally made all of their dashing and adventurous forays culminate into a goal. That meant more confidence, and more attacking panache, and that meant a wilting Olympiakos defence.
Stevie G wasn't done, though. Dashing and darting everywhere, he led a snarling charge through the heart of the entire Olympiakos team, beating several players before being called back for a foul and yellow card. As he leapt and capered, one of his boots had hit the thigh of a stunned Olympiakos midfielder. That meant that he would be ineligible for the next game, but if he wasn't going to throw all that he had into the game, there wouldn't be a next game in the Champions' League.
Meanwhile, Milan Baros up front had begun to show signs that his lack of form had caught up to him. He began to get caught offside, and was visibly shaken after runs. The gaffer took him off for the youthful and inexperienced, yet Arsenal-slaying Neil Mellor to make his European debut. Within seconds, a Gerrard cross hit Nuñez, whose stinging header was miraculously palmed away by the split-second reflexes of Nikopolidis. Palmed away... straight to the streaking Mellor who emphatically powered a volley into the net with his first touch of the game. Two to one and now Liverpool were brimming with confidence, and Olympiakos were reeling.
Stevie G was everywhere - running back to collect the ball from defence, stroking passes from midfield, and thundering forward in innumerable assaults on the increasingly panicked Greek defence. The rest of the Red Machine took their cue from the captain, and the pressure on Nikolpolidis and his defenders began to take its toll as yellow cards became increasingly common. Their goalscorer Rivaldo now looked a broken man, his every touch on the ball seeming to drift over the sidelines for a Riise or Carragher throw-in.
It was from a throw-in on the far side of the pitch, with Stevie G (no exaggeration) jumping up and down and waving his arms like some sort of demented jumping jack, that Neil Mellor nodded the ball toward the top of the 18-yard box where it was met by a charging, snorting Stevie G, who volleyed it on the one-touch from more than twenty yards away with such venom and power that Nikopolidis had barely moved a half-meter when the back of the net bulged... and kept bulging as the ball strained to reach the screaming and jubilant kop beyond the mesh.
The away-end gasped and gaped as they struggled to comprehend what they'd just seen. With five minutes left in the game and Monaco now cruising at five to nil, they had gone from triumph to a tragedy worthy of Sophocles and Euripedes. When the referee's assistant signalled that there was four minutes of time to be added on, fingernails were chewed, scarves were clutched and clenched, tears welled in eyesockets and hands were wrung by the Olympiakos faithful. The Kop cheered, waiting for the magical moment when they could again burst into song, singing the anthem of Anfield and signal one of the truly great victories of an already storied and gilded club.
The game won, the qualification for the final sixteen now secured, Liverpool moved the ball around comfortably in a confident and assured manner until the final whistle went, barely audible over the lusty sound of 40,000 voices belting out as one: "When you walk through a storm... hold your head up high... and don't be afraid of the dark. At the end of a storm... there's a golden sky... and the sweet, silver song of a lark. Walk on. Walk on. With hope in your heart... and you'll never walk alone! You'll ne-ver walk a-a-alone!"
I had tears of relief in my eyes and sang to the television in my darkened living room. Stevie G, hands clapping over his head, strode the field like a colossus amidst the confused and disoriented Olympiakos players who were still trying to piece together the magnitude of what had just over-whelmed them. From champs to chumps. From masters to disasters. From front-runners to also-rans. An historic match and one that will leave an indelible impression on the rest of the competition - try and force Steven Gerrard into a situation where he will disappoint his thronging Red supporters at your peril. Doubts as to whether he is one of, if not the best midfielder in the game today were thoroughly discredited, and Chelsea and Réal Madrid must be shaking their heads at their failures to lure Gerrard away from the city and the fans he loves, because he'll turn his predatory eye toward their goals next.
And so, on to the round of sixteen, where the teams have yet to be drawn against one another. But on this form, Liverpool need fear no-one. Let the other teams quail and draught contigency plans. The Red Machine is back in Europe, and they're not leaving without a trail of broken opposition supporters and dispirited and devalued opponents.
Next stop: Goodison Park for the cross-town derby on Saturday. The tremendously fortuitous run that the Toffees have had is not only in jeopardy, it's looking like a watermelon being targeted by grapeshot cannon. We'll see on the day how rested the lads are from this emotional rollercoaster of a match, and then we'll see how the likes of Unsworth and Ferguson deal with the imperious Captain Courageous and his brave team of footy shock-troopers.
As an aside, Liverpool are still in all competitions, and look as though they might be able to better their five-trophy year in 2001. Getting a fifth Champions' Cup would be sweet enough, but who wants to limit their ambition? We want it all. And we have the team to take it.
Forza Liverpool!
Cheers,

-mARKUS
^+Justice for the 96+^

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