So the football season has ended in England. What does this mean? It means that my Premiership of pulchritudinous females will need to be revised. Three must be relegated, and three must be promoted into the top ranks. Since none of the ladies involved have any more than a negligible chance of finding this page, I should feel relatively confident in my ability to express my opinions without causing any distress or negative emotional feedback.
In short, here is the Top 20 at the start of the season:
(Which you can see by clicking on this convenient link in greater detail:
http://jdsilentio.blogspot.com/2004/12/its-coffee-table-book.html#comments)
1. Melanie Chisholm
- Lovable scouse wag.
2. Emily Mortimer
- Mistress of dialects.
3. Lisa Loeb
- Quasi-folksy musician.
4. Sadie Frost
- Hyper-intelligent actress.
5. Laura Harring
- Fascinating cosmopolite.
6. Jennifer Hedger
- Eminently desirable sportscaster.
7. Joanne Guest
- Erudite laddish fantasy.
8. Mira Sorvino
- Self-effacing goddess.
9. Janeane Garofalo
- Flaky but fun comedienne.
10. Linda Bresonik
- Best female footy player in the world today.
11. Natalie Portman
- Darth Vader's chick.
12. Hazel Irvine
- The only woman that can make Stephen Hendry speak in anything other than monosyllables.
13. Miranda Otto
- The most expressive eyes in existence. Could make a stone weep.
14. Wendy Mesley
- Devastatingly intelligent.
15. Anna Faris
- Versatile to the point of incredulousness.
16. Jennifer/Cynthia Dale
- Fundamentally Canadian.
17. Ali Landry
-Phenomenal sense of humour and a healthy lack of egotism.
18. Kara Lang
- If I ever needed a shooting wide midfielder...
19. Jennifer Love Hewitt
- Multi-taltented, though not a virtuoso in any particular category.
20. Hillary Rodham Clinton
- A future historical figure.
And here are some of the contestants fighting for promotion:
1. Claire Danes
After a phenomenal run in "My So-Called life", Claire hasn't demonstrated a huge range of versatility. She was fantastic in demonstrating teenage angst, but it is still open to debate whether roles in such films as "Terminator 3 - Rise of the Machines" will dissuade observers from drawing conclusions that her abilities are limited. Her official website is at http://www.clairedanes.com/
Claire Danes in Terminator 3
2. Jakki Degg
Comfortably edging past other English personalities such as Jennifer Ellison, she's still the second-most attractive woman I've ever seen wearing a Liverpool kit. Check out the site: http://www.ultimatenzsoccer.com/About/id794.htm if you don't believe me. I expect some serious response from my limited quantity of readers. She's the kind of lass that will cause you to fall in love at first sight. And she's wearing a Liverpool kit. That's HUGELY sexy.
Jakki Degg in an LFC home kit.
3. Rosamund Pike
Takes the biscuit from Daniella Bianchi and Luciana Paluzzi as the sexiest Bond woman of all time. Comfortably outshone Halle Berry, and that's not an easy task. Made "Die Another Day" a watchable cinematic experience. You can have a peek at her at http://www.absolutely.net/Rosamund_Pike/
Actress ROSAMUND PIKE at the special screening in Los Angeles of her new James Bond movie Die Another Day.
11NOV2002. © Paul Smith / Featureflash
4. Nina Elizabet Persson
Lead singer/songwriter with the band The Cardigans. Can knowlegably discuss aesthetics and literature over a glass of Scotch whiskey. Well-read, well-spoken, and well-educated. She's funny, intriguing and creative. I find myself hard-pressed to name another woman with whom I could discuss Faulkner and Steinbeck for hours on end. Information on her can be found at http://cardigans.com/news.php.
Nina Elizabet Persson
5. Lene Nystrom
Lead singer of Aqua, this energetic and dynamic Dane can be found on-line at http://www.lenemusic.com/. She is equally at home singing fluffy bubble-gum pop, crashing punk rock, or melodic ballads. Fun lass with a great sense of humour.
Lene Nystrom on stage.
So any and all comments and suggestions are welcome, and I'll try and sort out the promotions and relegations over the next couple of weeks. But for now, all thoughts are on Istanbul for the 25th. The biggest match of the last twenty years, and I'm getting twitchy just thinking about it. Until next time, take care everyone and cheers,
- mARKUS
^+Justice for the 96+^
2 comments:
Hokay...
Well, I'd definitely promote Nina E. Persson... She's the total package. Except that there's really no need for ANYONE to discuss Faulkner or Steinbeck. They're both utter shite. Shame on you. But, yeah, topic at hand, I'd back Persson for the Prem.
Next out of your five candidates would be Miss Aqua herself. I like Lene Nystrom. I'm not running out and buying a bunch of Aqua albums, but there you are. Plus, no-one from Denmark can be bad, can they?
As to the rest, meh. Don't rate 'em. Instead, please allow me to posit a dark horse promotion candidate... Gwen Stefani. Despite the whole vapid pop-diva thing she's got going, she's actually got a swell head on her. Multi-talented. And incredibly gorgeous to boot. In my Premiership, she'd be going for the European Champion's Cup.
If I weren't tired, I'd probably be able to come up with more. But that should do for now.
-james
Feeling lonely? Hook up with Real Singles now for $4.99 to connect, and only $0.99 a min. A true match is only a phone call away. Give it a try 1-800-211-9293.
Post a Comment