World Cup 2026

 World Cup 2026 — Clown Car Escapades

Greetings Earthlings.

What we find is this:  despite the despotic and incompetent geopolitical fumblings of one of the three host nations that jeopardize world order and destabilize global economic stability, the FIFA World Cup 2026 has begun.  But although corruption and dirty underhanded dealings seem to be the order of the day, bright-, starry-, and dewy-eyed children of all ages have still flocked to the relevant stadia and found comfortable television vantage points near television sets in anticipation of another edition of the Greatest Show on Turf.

What is analysis without some element of prophecy, and what is commentary without some kind of arrogant presumption to know the future?  So without further adieu, here are the predictions for the tournament, moving from the easiest and most blindingly obvious conclusions to the grandest and largest prections of them all.

Won't Even Deserve a Participation Medal

Quite frankly, there are too many teams in the tournament to declare the level of competition to be elite throughout.  The expansion of the number of teams to forty-eight has diluted the talent, particularly as many of the new slots have been given to "under-developed" parts of the world.  The result is that there are at least four patsy teams that do nothing but pad the numbers.  They will not win a game.  They will not score a goal.  They will have scores run up on them.  They will be catching the earliest flights home after the first round.  Betting against them may not make any sort of meaningful odds, but their games can always be added to any parley to multiply potential winnings.

Iraq

Iraq are not a particularly bad team.  In fact, on any given day, they could be expected to offer a decent result in any Asian conference game.  But this is the World Cup, and they're in a group with France, Norway, and Senegal.  All three teams will rip Iraq up like a piece of tissue at a snot party.  Erling Haaland will be looking to score at least a hat-trick against the poor Mesopotamians.  In a weaker group, they might have found a goal, and maybe even a draw.  Not this tournament, and not in Group I.

Panama

Another team that is not particularly poor, but is the victim of a poor grouping is Panama.  They have players with solid professional and international experience, and they've acquitted themselves well in the CONCACAF Gold Cup in recent years, but they find themselves in Group L, and they will not find an ounce of mercy amongst their competitors.  They might be plucky.  They might be resolute.  But they will be forced to play for nil-nil draws in an effort to gain group points, and they will fail.  England, Croatia, and Ghana all have points to prove, and unfortunately, Panama will be the subject of their object lessons.

Curaçao

Statistically the country with the smallest population to ever reach the World Cup, Curaçao is also about to set the record for the oldest manager in the history of the World Cup Finals as 87-year-old Dick Advocaat will creak into the technical area on 14 June.  Neither of these facts will do them a whit of good as they get set to inhabit the basement of Group E.  Côte D'Ivoire, Germany, and Ecuador will run roughshod over the Caribbean island minnows, and not even traces of regret or shame will be found.

Haiti

This team is actually bad.  They qualified through a very greasy CONCACAF group that was likely the brainchild of Jack Warner and his squad of ridiculously corrupt officials.  In addition, Haiti has been shortlisted as a country whose citizens are specifically blacklisted by American immigration officials, and the fear of persecution and prosecution has affected Haitian ethnic communities throughout North America.  Crowds are afraid to cheer for the team or attend games in team colours.  And the team is sub-par.  Seriously.  And they're in a World Cup Group with Brazil.  That wrecks the morale of decent teams.  Morocco and Scotland aren't in the same class as Brazil, but they're a damn sight more competitive than a team that was unable to host any qualifying matches because of internal political squabbles.  Haiti will go to pieces so fast that spectators will be hit by the shrapnel.  The practical upshot of this implosion is that Haiti go home with 0 goals scored, 0 points registered, and plenty of humiliation to heap on their crumbling society.

There are a few other punching bags that have no chance of getting to the second round, but they at least have the ghost of some sort of potential of manifesting something like a fluke goal from a corner or something.  The four hopeless cases listed above have zero chance of manifesting anything beyond a damp squib.  Cape Verde and Qatar suck, but have the potential to play one strong game and possibly earn a point before going home.  Uzbekistan is awful, but they're in a group with DR Congo, so they could draw each other before perishing of Ebola.  Jordan will lose a lot, but they have an extremely long shot to pull off a scoreless draw with either Austria or Algeria.

The Whole Tamale

The most boring and pedestrian outcome of the tournament would be for it to follow the pattern of the last European Championships—Spain beat everyone in the group phase at a leisurely pace, squeak past the Germans, and then proceed to win the whole thing.  Probability indicates that the most boring thing is also the most statistically likely.

Romantics long for Lionel Messi to come off the bench in a dramatic final and score a farewell, swansong goal in a final against a French team led by heir-apparent to the striker throne, Kylian Mbappé.

My best case scenario involves Jamal Musiala completing his long road to recovery from a broken leg, cement his partnership with Florian Wirtz, and ignite the latent talents of Joshua Kimmich and Kai Havertz.  An early monstrous, crushing demolition of makeweight team Curaçao boosts team morale, and the team clicks into an efficient, swift-flowing, and organically adaptive machine that counter-punches the Argentines, outflanks the French, and passes effortlessly through the Spanish low midfield shield.

That seems unlikely.  But possible.  The English could surprise if Jude Bellingham and Declan Rice could find the kind of détente that eluded Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard in days gone by.  But that's also unlikely to happen.

As things develop, such as South Africa and Mexico collecting three red cards in a single game and having to deal with the consequences of three subsequent suspensions, more things will become apparent.  For now, that's the way things are.  

And that's all of the typing that I have in me for now.  Until next time,

Goodnight England and the Colonies,

—mARKUS

Women's Euro 2025 Semi-Finals, Part Two

 Greetings, gentle readers.

What we find is this: if women's football is a chess game where the manager's chief duty is to optimise the team on the pitch with respective to the seemingly ever-prevalent injury woes that plague the entire sport, then it is evident that the two senior practitioners of the art are Sarina Wiegman of England and Christian Wück of Germany.  I might suggest that Pia Sundhage of Switzerland aspires to that level, but fell tragically short for any number of reasons.

The team that seems to be blithely immune to this sort of systemic diagnosis is Spain.  The world champions seem to draw on a deep well of talent and a canny rotational system that keeps players off the physio's bench and eligible for the game day starting XI.  

Cruciate Ligament Victim Lena Oberdorf

Facing the defending world champions in the second semifinal of this year's European championship tournament are perennial challengers Germany.  The Germans have not been anywhere near something resembling lucky in this tournament insofar as injuries are concerned.  In addition to losing all-action team captain Giulia Gwinn in the very first match against Poland, the national team had already been denied the services of Lena Oberdorf for more than a calendar year, both through knee injuries. 

Historically, German national sides have been renowned for their resiliency and versatility.  For both the men's and women's teams, the ability to field competitive teams in the face of adversity has always been a point of pride, with individual players demonstrating talent and fortitude by playing through the pain barrier and in unfamiliar positions on the pitch when required.

Spain v. Germany

In this particular instance, bloody-minded stubbornness and discipline finally ran into the rugged shoals of reality.  In addition to the suspensions of Kathy Hendrich for her ponytail tug against France and Sjoeke Nüsken for her accumulated yellow cards, the Germans found themselves without any defenders on the substitutes' bench through the catalogue of injuries.  In fact, such was the dearth of defenders that Franziska Kett and Elisa Senß were asked to withdraw from their customary midfield roles and play as full-backs rather than wingers.  Perhaps it was a measure of German desperation that Sara Däbritz was finally given her first start of the tournament rather than the more cynical tactic of reserving her services for extra-time or penalty shots.  It was all hands to the proverbial pump for the eight-time European champions, and there was no margin for error.

By way of contrast, the world champion Spanish entered the semifinal at a canter.  They had comfortably clocked the most goals scored of any team in the tournament, and had done so without risking or endangering any personnel along the way.  

For those of you who haven't seen the match, the plot is rather pedestrian.  The smart and elegant

Inconsolable Jule Brand

Spaniards demonstrated a composed possession game, and the clinically-thinly-stretched Germans defended with iron-willed tenacity and full-hearted spirit.  Forwards Jule Brand and Giovanna Hoffmann threw themselves forward at the very hint of a counter-attack, and Klara Bühl swept in from the wings to feed paper-thin forward probes with speculative crosses.

It was all destined to go to penalties.  An impenetrable German defence, an over-elaborate Spanish midfield, and two superstar tournament-stealing goalkeepers in Ana Katrin Berger and Cata Coll.

But it was not to be.  In the dying moments of extra time, Aitana Bonmatí cut down the right flank, reached the ball ahead of the touch line and fired a shot at the opposite corner flag.  Maybe it was a cross.  German keeper Berger certainly thought so, gesticulating with her right arm to indicate how her beleaguered centre-backs ought to deal with the marking in the 18-yard box.

What happened instead was that Bonmatí's right-footed swipe across her own body zipped preternaturally between the hitherto-ridiculously-resolute Berger and her near post and flashed inside the inside of the far post, using an angle hitherto only known to non-Euclidean geometricians and Lovecraftian acolytes.

If Germany had scored a goal at any point during the proceedings, the result would most likely have swerved in the opposite direction, but credit to the Spanish — they did what they needed to do.  They had superior talent, stamina, depth, and patience.  The Germans ran out of all of those quantities in the final analysis.

Spain v. England

When next we meet in Frankenstone, don't come alone.

Until the Final on Sunday, 27 July, I bid you good-day.

Goodnight England, and the colonies.

Cheers,

—mARKUS

Women's Euro 2025 Semi-Finals, Part One

 Greetings, gentle readers.

What we find is this:  of the twenty-three players to represent England at the Women's World Cup two years ago, ten have not returned to defend their European Champions' trophy.  Five retired, four weren't selected by manager Sarina Wiegman, and one (Millie Bright, OBE) removed herself from contention, saying,

"Right now I’m not able to give 100% mentally or physically.  As much as I want to be out there running through brick walls for England and fighting alongside my team-mates, stepping back is the right thing for my health, my future in the game, and most importantly the team."
— Millie Bright

Looking at the twenty-three players in the current England Euro 2025 squad, seven are making their major tournament debut.  Of the returning veterans:

• Alex Greenwood underwent knee surgery for an MCL injury at the end of last year, and was cleared to play immediately prior to the tournament
• Lauren Hemp underwent knee surgery in November of last year and returned to action this April.
• Lauren James withdrew from the national team in October of last year with a calf injury, and was out for club and country this year with a hamstring injury from April until the start of the tournament.
• Beth Mead suffered a ruptured ACL and spent most of 2024 recovering.
• Esme Morgan suffered a fractured lower leg and was sidelined for a year between 2022 and 2023.
• Georgia Stanway ruptured her LCL and underwent surgery in January of this year.
• Ella Toone was ruled out of club and international duty last year with a calf injury
• Keira Walsh injured her knee during the 2023 World Cup, later suffering a similar injury causing her to miss the last three games of this season with her club, including the Subway Cup final against Manchester City.
• Leah Williamson spent nine months of 2023/4 recovering from a ruptured ACL.

"Football is all very well as a game for rough girls, but is hardly suitable for delicate boys."
—Oscar Wilde 

 My assertion here is that the success or failure of a manager at this level of the women's game has less to do with maximizing talent, adopting certain playing formations, or designing training schedules, and more to do with tactically accommodating the injury considerations of one's own team while exploiting the injury woes of opponents. 

England v. Italy

As has been their wont so often throughout this tournament, England began a game looking a little off-colour and surrendering the lead.  To be fair, they came out of the blocks more brightly than they did against France in the group phase or Sweden in the quarter-final, but to be equally fair, neither of those examples sets a particularly high bar.

After a few opening flurries of offensive possession, the English Lionesses were rocked back by an opposition opening goal once more in this tournament.  It turned out to be an uncommon Lucy Bronze misstep in the 33rd minute that presented an uncomfortable mid-height ball to wide-open Italian attacker Barbara Bonansea at the far post.  The experienced right-back Bronze was caught flat-footed as the ball popped passed her – her attempt to clear the ball instead glancing it into acres of unmarked space, populated only by Bonansea.  The Italian still had work to do and needed a juggling touch to orient herself and lash a volley through the despairing Bronze and Hannah Hampton in the English net.

Barbara Bonansea, Cecilia Salvai, and Manuela Giugliano celebrate taking the lead.

The remainder of the first half... the rest of full-time, really... was a slow constriction of England's coils around a sturdy and resolute defence, marshalled as always by the excellent Cecilia Salvai at centre-back.  Italy's midfield, including the energetic Manuela Giugliano, blocked England's progress through the centre of their third, so the English offense generally took the form of long diagonal crosses into the box.  Salvai's (comparable) height meant that England's attackers rarely got a sniff, and the inexhaustible Bronze always seemed to be waiting at the far post to put the ball back into the mix or retain possession.

Lioness Lucy Bronze

As full of running and drive as Bronze was, though, she seemed to ride her luck on at least two occasions when her tackles were full-blooded, possibly reckless, and certainly late.  It might be interesting to speculate on what might have become of England without their rampaging juggernaut.  Not the most talented player on the field, but certainly the most ruggedly athletic and bloody-minded one.  A British Bulldog, if ever there was one.  When she appears for England in the final of this tournament, she will set the record for most England caps at major tournaments.  Whoops.  Spoilers.

After over an hour of persistent but ultimately uninspired pressing by England, the super-secret tactic of substituting the match winners late in the game paid off again for England Manager Sarina Wiegman.  18-year old substitute Michelle Agyemang, only one surname letter away from being involved in a Time Lord's adventures, set the record for the latest equalizer in this tournament in the sixth minute of stoppage time.  The supersub who buried Sweden in the previous round, Chloe Kelly, stepped up to take her typical Karate-Kid, crane-style penalty in extra time.  Italian keeper Laura Giuliani saved the shot, but a surging Kelly slipped the rebound under the keeper's body to score the latest-ever winning goal in the history of the tournament, at 119 minutes.

Imperious Chloe Kelly celebrates her game-winning goal.

And so European champions England are set to defend their title against either world champions Spain, or eight-time European champions Germany.  It seems as though the cream really has risen to the top of this tournament, despite some early contradictory evidence to that prediction.

Back as soon as I've watched the elegant Iberians take on the aristocratic Teutons.

Until then, good night England and the colonies.

Cheers,

—mARKUS 

Women's Euro 2025 Quarter-Finals, Part Two

 Greetings, gentle readers.

What we find is this:  Having yawned their way to a perfect three win, zero loss performance in the group stage, world champions Spain face off against underdog hosts Switzerland in the first of two quarter-finals.  In the last matchup of the elimination round, eight-time Euro champs Germany lock horns with a French team missing World Cup 2023 standout Wendie Renard. The winners of these two matches will face each other in a semi-final to determine who will reach the final and meet the winner of the game between England and Italy.

Those familiar with these scribblings will know that I have been grumpy about the entire tournament thus far because I was hoping to parley my experience watching and analyzing the Women's World Cup in 2023 into a deeper and possibly predictive understanding of the games in this tournament.  Unfortunately, the amount of players who played in the World Cup and are not making return

Giulia Gwinn

appearances for their national teams is significant.  

The player churn that may be due to injury was highlighted early on with German captain Giulia Gwinn being ruled out of the whole tournament after tearing her medial collateral ligament in her first game.  She also missed the last World Cup through injury.

So what we also find is this:  injuries are running rampant throughout the sport and some sort of reforms are needed, whether that be in terms of the playing surfaces, training practices, warm-up and physio procedures, or just plain pacing of playing time.  With the introduction of the new World Club Cup tournament format in the men's game, professional athletes of both genders are being taxed to exhaustion.  Several players have even declared themselves fit, only to have their managers bench or substitute them regardless.  I'm thinking of Daniëlle van de Donk-Carpenter of Holland, Paulina Dudek of Poland, and Kosovare Asllani of Sweden.  

Field Marshal Bühler

And as a lead-up to the next match summary, I will reiterate my utter desolation at seeing the absence of Luana Bühler, Seraina Piubel, and Ramona Bachmann-Baret in the Swiss lineup.  Their perspicacity, agility, and power (respectively) were part of what made the last Women's World Cup so enjoyable for me. Having both Canada and Germany crash out of that competition early made me find other sources of joy, and I found it in the brave Helvetians.

Spain v. Switzerland

World champions Spain were oddsmakers' favourites for this clash, right off the top, home field advantage be damned.  It was a somewhat muted consensus of the ESPN crew as well that the plucky alpine host nation stood little chance against the polished and precise Spaniards.

Versatile and Valorous Lia Wälti

Switzerland was always going to depend on one of the few veterans of the Women's World Cup of two years ago who survived whatever roster cull manager Pia Sundhage had enacted:  Lia Wälti.  Ostensibly a defensive or holding midfielder, she was asked to be everywhere and support each of her teammates in every scenario.  She fell back into a sweeper role behind the back four when her team looked forward to link up some attacking plays, then shielded the same back four when they lost possession.  She moved to the flanks to create two-on-one overloads wherever necessary, overlapped on attack, and on a couple of occasions, demonstrated a Seven Gerrard-esque willingness to bomb forward fifty yards to pounce upon loose balls that drooled out of the Spanish 19-yard box.

It was largely due to the indomitable Wälti that the game was locked as a nil-nil draw at halftime.  Commentators and pundits marvelled at the Swiss defence, and began to wonder if this game might go scorelessly through the distance.  They need not have bothered.

Awesome Alèxia Putellas

Captain Wälti's valiant exploits across the pitch could only stem the tide of Spanish superiority for so long.  Their AA contingent, Aitana Bonmati, Athenea del Castillo, and Alèxia Putellas, were stringing together silky passing triangles and maintaining consistent offensive possession.

In truth, as the second half wore on, it became apparent that this contest was a foxcub facing a dragoness.  The stubborn and brave Swiss were only courting disaster.  When an inevitable crack in the defence let Athenea del Castillo in for a goal, the home crowd grew silent and Swiss heads dropped.  When captain Wälti stopped playing and began pleading for a foul with referee Maria Caputi, the Spaniards gleefully passed around her and Clàudia Pina gleefully struck a high shot into the opposite top corner, across Swiss keeper Livia Peng's body.

That second goal broke the Swiss.  Wälti immediately made a clumsy tackle, earning her a yellow card.  The Spaniards earned and spurned a penalty either side of those two goals, but Peng's heroics could not affect the final score:  2-0 at Wankdorf Stadion, Bern.

Germany v. France

People thought that the England v. Sweden game was filled with the raw and epic chords of blood and thunder, but no one was prepared for the nightmarish chaos unleashed at St. Jakob Park in Basel.  The German crew seemed a bit threadbare.  In fact, if you read THIS ARTICLE, not a single one of the German players that it lists as being influential started the game.

Griedge Mbock

Everyone will tell you that the most telling moment in this match occurred just fifteen minutes in, when German defender Kathrin Hendrich yanked on the pony-tail of French centre-back Griedge Mbock inside the German 18-yard box.  That led to a straight red card and a penalty shot converted by Grace Geyoro.  France up by a goal and a player, all with 75 minutes left to play in normal time.

Germany marshalled their defence, regained their composure, and a sublime glancing header by Sjoeke Nüsken tied the game after just 25 minutes on the clock.

Sublime Sjoeke Nüsken

 The madness that followed was filled with shock and awe.  The match set the record for the most fouls ever recorded in a single game in this competition. Surprisingly, there were only five yellow cards issued by Swedish ref Tess Olofsson.  The all-action Nüsken even took a penalty which might have won the game in normal time, but the trooper missed.  France also had what appeared to be a sure goal clawed off the line by an acrobatic Ann-Katrin Berger.

The game ground on in a brutal war of attrition.  Finally, in extra time, I saw a few familiar faces.  In fact, in a file folder somewhere in my house, I have an autographed photo of the entire German Women's team at the 2014 U-20 World Cup, featuring a then 19-year old Sara Däbritz.  She scored five goals in that tournament and hoisted the trophy as one of the champions.

Substitute Sara Däbritz

Däbritz, Linda Dallmann, and Lea Schüller were all substituted on during extra time in what looked like a rather cynical tactical move to use damaged and battered veterans in the penalty shootout.  In other words, these players were all carrying at least one knock that compromised their fitness and therefore should not play.  On the other hand, they have the experience, skill, confidence, and expertise to kick a penalty shot.

The cynical substitutions paid off.  Ann-Katrin Berger stopped the first and last French shots, while the only German penalty not to score was sadly taken by none other than Sara Däbritz.  Final score: France 1 - 1 Germany (5:6 pen)

This means that the Germans will have to sort out their multiple injuries and suspensions, clear their heads, and prepare to defend and counter-attack against the slick Spanish.  Although lethal in attack, Spain have shown a vulnerability to attacks on the break and, prior to their match with Switzerland, had conceded the same number of goals as the underdogs.  Their high back line has also left them vulnerable to route one long balls, provided that the opposition striker has the pace to break the offside trap and get some separation from the last defender.

And that concludes the wrap-up of the quarter-finals of the 2025 Women's European Championship.  See you on the other side of the semifinals.  

Until then, goodnight England and the colonies.

Cheers,

—mARKUS

The 2025 Quarter-Finals, Part One

 Greetings, gentle readers.

What we find is this: eight teams have muscled their way through the grueling group phase of the tournament, defying debilitating injuries and merciless marathon-lengths of games, with some stoppage times reaching ten minutes.  What we also find is that I have discovered this strange application called "Instagram."  In my previous articles on the Women's World Cup, I tried to include some nice colour photographs.  In this any any forthcoming posts, I will try to include Instagram links so that readers can visit the sites of players and teams for themselves and possibly interact with them.  This is all new to me, so I beg your forgiveness in advance, dear reader, should I neglect to include a particularly salient link.  I reckon that my convention for the moment is to put Instagram links on names within photo captions.

All this being said, on to the four quarter-final matches...

Norway v. Italy

In a match that elicited more groans of disappointment than yelps of joy, Italy edged past Norway thanks to two fine strikes from 35-year old captain and talismanic leader Cristiana Girelli.  

Captain Cristiana Girelli scores a brace

Two Norwegian players of note from my reports of the prior World Cup worked admirably to frustrate and confound the Italians - Guro Reiten and Ada Hegerberg.  The former appeared everywhere along the defensive line and occasionally made a lung-bursting overlapping run forward, while the latter nailed an equalizing goal in the second half despite missing her second penalty shot of the tournament.

In the end, it was Girelli's last-minute header back across her body from Sofia Cantore's startlingly accurate cross that proved the difference between two sides.  Italy looked the more composed and confident side, but the graft and effort of the Norwegians, combined with the scoring threat posed by former Ballon D'Or Féminin winner Hegerberg, almost forced this contest into extra time.

Italy progress to the semi-finals in no small part due to the efforts of Cecilia Salvai in defence and Manuela Giugliano in midfield.  Salvai in particular distinguished herself with her work on set-pieces and quarterbacking ball movement when transitioning from defence to attack in the Italian end.

Versatile centre-back Cecilia Salvai

England v. Sweden

England managed to scrape their way to the semi-finals and face the now-qualified Italians.  The Scandanavians leapt out to an early lead through superstar captain Kosovare Asllani before most spectators had found their seats.  After assisting on the second-minute goal, striker Stina Blackstenius threatened the England net on a couple of plays before scoring Sweden's second on 25 minutes.  England looked slow and clumsy throughout the first half, particularly when compared to the sprightly Blackstenius and Fridolina Rolfö up front for Sweden.  Chants of "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!", "Does Your Mother Know?", and "The Winner Takes It All" echoed around the Stadion Letzigrund in Zürich as signs boasting that "ABBA > The Beatles" waved through the crowd.

Superstar Kosovare Asllani

It was only after 78 minutes that tactics trumped talent.  England's powerful and athletic back line, led by the stalwart Lucy Bronze, had been charging, barging, and lunging at the Swedes for over five-sixths of the match.  Finally, the Swedes could take it no longer.  35-year old Asllani and 31-year old Rolfö limped off in the 78th minute to much applause from the delirious Swedish fans.  They were replaced by the younger Lina Hurtig and Madelen Janogy, but the English were also making a substitution at the same time – Chloe Kelly replaced Lauren Hemp, springing the trap.  

Supersub Chloe Kelly

63 seconds later, as the Swedes frantically tried to reorganize, Kelly pinged a perfect cross to the tireless Bronze, who nodded an excellent header beyond Swedish keeper Jennifer Falk.  Like Girelli's game-winning goal, it was scored at the far post.  Why is this an important and notable thing?  Because I said so.  Because I have always said so.

The Swedes were rocked by another searching Kelly ball that was smashed into the back to the Swedish net by Michelle Agyemang.  No team in the Women's European Championships had ever come back from a two goal deficit to win an elimination game, but England were threatening.

Extra time settled nothing, and the penalty shootout was laughably horrible, with some of the worst kicks ever seen on the world stage.  Kickers contrived to scoop soft, fluffy attempts directly into the arms of grateful keepers as well as miss the frame of the goal in all three ways.  Somehow, after 14 shots, only five had bulged the back of the old onion bag, and England had the better of it, three to two.

The first semi-final matchup had been established:  England v. Italy.

Unfortunately, I appear to run into the limit of my endurance for the moment.  I had no idea that adding all of these photos and links would be so exhausting and time-consuming.  I promise to return with my take on the remaining two quarter-final matches, including the colossal clash between the Germans and the French.

Until then, goodnight England and the colonies.

—mARKUS

Jürgen's Legacies

Greetings, gentle readers. 

As I subject myself to hours of commentary from the American Fox Sports network, I've realized a couple of things. The first is that I've underestimated the cultural impact of Jürgen Klopp's move to Liverpool FC ten years ago. The second is that Ariane Hingst has a top notch sense of humour. 

Watch What You Say 

When Jürgen Klopp made his managerial move to England a decade ago, he was already a media darling. With his brilliant megawatt smile and easy charm, he was always good for providing a quotable quotation or a verbal quip perfect for headlines and clickbait banners. Sports reporters hung on his every word. When he described his footballing philosophy as "Heavy Metal Football" it rattled around the sports journalism circles for years. 

Fox Sports commentators have picked up his phrase of "mentality monsters" and have used it to describe multiple teams both in the Women's Euro 2025 Championship and beyond. But the most telling turn of phrase that he used was one that he employed when he had a German concept in his mind, and was trying desperately to think of an English equivalent. To buy time, he would stall using the phrase "in this moment" or "in these moments." 

John Paul Dellacamera doesn't use the phrase very often because he spends most of his on-air time serving up softball questions to his colour commentators to fill dead air whenever a fullback has blasted the ball 80 yards downfield at a corner flag and it takes the players forty seconds to get a foot on it again. However, every colour commentator has used that phrase extensively when trying to formulate a clever or incisive response to one of JP, Jacqui Oatley, or John Strong's puff questions like, 

"As a player, how would you react to finding yourself three goals down in a group-stage game?" to which the answers invariably sound like this: 

"Well, it's in these moments that you really have to look around and determine..." before the colour person eventually gets around to the point and actually says something interesting. But it's Jürgen Klopp's phrase that has become common parlance for "I'll give you an answer after I think about it for another two seconds."

Goodbye Julie Ertz

The departure of Julie Ertz from the Fox Sports One Women's Euro Championship desk not only deprives viewers of her eerily accurate predictions (she foresaw Spain scoring six against the Belgians), but also of some of the more entertaining banter between guest pundits.  Watching Ari Hingst bristle in mock-umbrage at being called a "frumpy old woman" was positively hysterical.  We can only hope that future guest commentators will enjoy such lively exchanges.

Medical Update

Hope to get my fingers working again soon.  Strength is returning to them, but now it feels as though I need to retrain them in the functional use of a keyboard.  All of the sensations feel foreign and all of the muscles are atrophied and slack.  The electro-stim TENS unit seems to be accomplishing something positive, so hope springs eternal.

Until next time, goodnight England and the colonies.

—mARKUS

Women's Euro 2025 Championships

Greetings, gentle readers. 

Recovering as I am from spinal surgery my typing is still stilted and uncomfortable, but I thought it worth the effort to try and detail my thoughts on the 2025 UEFA European Women's Championship Tournament. For those that know this blog, I spent an awful lot of time and effort following the Womens' World Cup two years ago. Watching this year's edition of the European World Championship ought to be a similar experience, yeah?  No. Two things struck me immediately after I started watching the matches. 

Where is the Talent? 

First, the standard of play was awful. Even among the "elite" teams like world champions Spain or European champions England, the display of technique and skill was virtually nonexistent. Teams like Wales embarrassed themselves with clumsy and naïve charges about the field that often resulted with baffled and groggy players recalling the wet thwacking noise that had sent them tumbling unconscious to the turf. 

Who are these Women? 

Second, I experienced a profound lack of recognition when it came to the lineups. Looking back at my articles from 2023, I wanted to see some of the star performers again, see how they have developed, and hopefully bear witness to an explosion of flair. But they were all gone. It's only been two years. Where has everyone gone?  Surely, 25 year-old women from the World Cup haven't "aged-out" in the short period between then and now.

Three Letters

An answer to why the level of competition seems more like pub league, and why I can't identify more than one or two players from teams that just two years ago competed for the biggest trophy in the sport seems to be locked in three words:  Anterior Cruciate Ligament.  In three letters, the acronym ACL haunts players of this sport like no spectral stalker could ever do.

I have already spoken about this topic at length.  Canadian superhero Kara Lang's struggles with ACL surgeries and recoveries can be seen in an article HERE.  The problem of women suffering this specific type of injury has been examined before Lang's third ACL tear in 2014.  Two things are brought up as the potential causes of injury aggravation - surfaces and training.

AI Musical Interlude

For those of you curious or interested enough, there are a couple of AI-generated tracks which were produced using certain keywords and musical genre directions. 

This song seems to grungily bemoan the effects of astroturf on women's knees:
Iron on the Pitch

and this track tries a more soulful approach:

Artificial Turf Blues

I shall be back soon to try and integrate some of these concepts with my favourite European team — the Swiss.  I am still fuming that Giulia Gwinn of Deutschland is likely out for the rest of the tournament with a twisted left knee, and I hope that there are no other serious injuries as the tournament progresses.

Thank you very much for reading.

Good night England and the colonies.

—mARKUS

2023 WWC - The Road to the Final

 Greetings, gentle readers.

So we've reached the weekend of the Final, and what sort of retrospective can we create from the dozens of disparate narratives woven through the tapestry of this event?  To lead off, I suppose I should say that I've finally been convinced by the English team.  To steal a term from Robert Heinlein, I finally grok their style of play.  At the start of the tournament, I wasn't convinced that they had a style.  They had athleticism, they had a grim professional attitude, and they generally didn't fall into the "ball-watching-at-corner-kicks" category into which so many other teams could be lumped.  But then I noticed the play of Rachel Daly, and suddenly a number of things fell into place.

Inadequately trained or drilled teams tend to stare at the flight of corner kicks as though they had a Fox colour-comet-tail behind them.

Danger From The Deep

The Daly Show

In the semi-final against Australia, I finally noticed the same thing that initially endeared me to the Swiss team:  a player who could make an accurate 50 meter pass to clear the ball from her defensive third, to unlock a defensive offside trap, or to switch play to an open runner in space.  Luana Bühler was that kind of quarterback for Switzerland before she was injured and unable to contribute further to her team's cause.  The player who best executes those technical manoeuvres for England is Rachel Daly, a striker with Aston Villa but a left-back for her country.  Her defensive nous made me wonder why she would ever play in a forward position, since her tackling and positional play complement her vision and distribution in a way reminiscent of Philipp Lahm, the legendary German full-back.

Now that I had discovered England's deep-lying playmaking passmaster, I was able to sort the rest of the team out into the component parts of a successful team machine.

Towers of Power and Lighthouses

Another common element of successful teams at this year's WWC is the commanding centre-back.  In defence, that player coordinates the back line and the offside trap it creates; marshals personnel to outnumber rushing and overlapping attacks; organizes formations and structures to combat set plays; and perhaps most saliently, tends to win headers and effect clearances from dangerous areas.  This "Tower of Power" player acts as an extension of the goalkeeper and acts as a fortress, keeping the ball away from the 19-yard box and the goal line.

When their team has possession of the ball in the opposition half, Towers of Power become Lighthouses.  Because they are generally taller and/or have greater vertical leaps than their teammates, they can act as focus points and targets for crosses, corners, free-kicks, from which they can produce headers on net, hold up the ball and distribute it to available strikers, and nod or flick the ball into spaces with more potential.

Wendie Renard standing tall

The obvious example of this type of player is Wendie Renard of France.  At 6-foot-2, she stands well above most women players, and her skill using her head to control the ball is well recognized.  The England team has Millie Bright.  Although only 5-foot-10, her physicality and presence make her the focus of almost all English set plays, and the core of their defensive line.  A player of this sort to watch in the third-place playoff game would be Sweden's Amanda Ilestedt, who already has four goals in this tournament and is still in contention for the golden boot, despite being a defender.

The Mazy Dribblers

There was an episode of Ted Lasso in which the players discover that all of their passing lanes are closed down by a defensive system focused on interceptions.  The solution is obvious — dribble the ball directly at the defenders that are attempting to anticipate the passes.  There are some players (usually midfielders) who make your heart leap when they receive and turn with the ball. 

Another costly suspension

Sweden's Fridolina Rolfö, Switzerland's Ramona Bachmann, and Holland's Daniëlle van de Donk are tremendous examples of this type of player.  The last of those three was suspended for the game in which the Netherlands was eliminated, and her absence was tangible.  

When the tournament began, I didn't recognize this type of player in the England squad, but by the time that they played Australia in the semi-finals, it became clear to me that Lauren Hemp had assumed that role.  Perhaps it took the suspension of Lauren James after her red card against Nigeria in the round of 16 for Hemp to elevate her game and begin to accelerate into space with the ball.

And the throbbing, stinging pain in my arm and hand has announced that it is time for me to take another break.  I shall endeavour to try and conclude my summarizing remarks on the tournament prior to the third-place playoff game, but no promises can confidently be made.

Until the next time I am fit to type, I bid a good night to England and the colonies.

Cheers.

2023 WWC - The End of the Semi-Finals

 Greetings gentle readers.

And so the 2023 FIFA Women's World Cup has finally resolved itself into its final weekend, with Sweden and hosts Australia facing off for the third-place spot on Saturday 19 August while England and Spain will clash in the final showdown on the following day.  Or night, depending on your time zone.

In deference to my dysfunctional digits, I shall attempt to wrap up my observations to this point, cap some of the narratives within the competition, and set up a final conclusion.

Who Prepares Wins

As per previous comments, one of, if not THE critical features of successful teams in this competition is the management and coaching staff.  Sweden's Peter Gerhardsson and England's Sarina Wiegman are notable in the way in which they juggled and rotated their squads in order to deal with injuries.  Australia's Tony Gustavsson spent the entire tournament trying to evaluate how much playing time he could get from superstar strikers Sam Kerr and Mary Fowler, the former suffering from a calf injury and the latter recovering from a concussion suffered before the first game of the tournament.

In addition to managing the medical mishaps of their teams, the coaching staff of teams are responsible for tactical systems and training regimens.  When I first saw Brazil's now legendary Marta play as a precocious young 16-year-old, her team were vanquished at the semi-final stage of the Women's Under-19 World Championship.  As I told my father at the time, one team practiced penalty shots while the other team evidently did not.  Gary Lineker's quotation could apply equally to that tournament as it did when he spoke about England's record in the 1990 World Cup and the 1996 European Championships.

Stuck a Feather in Her Cap and Called it Macaroni

One of the most notable results of the Round of 16 led to much gleeful celebration around the world, particularly in the United States.  When Sweden defeated the United States Women's National Team in a penalty shootout to eliminate the Americans from the competition, there was much rejoicing.  As Lineth Beerensteyn of the Netherlands said,

"From the start of the tournament, they had really big mouths and were already talking about the final. I was thinking you first have to show it on the pitch before you talk [big]," Beerensteyn said. "I'm not being rude in that way, I still have a lot of respect for them, but now they're out of the tournament, and for me, it's a relief, and for them, it's something they will have to take with them in the future."

Many American spectators did not fault arrogance and overweening pride for the failure of the two-time defending champions to retain their title.  In fact, live online comments seemed to indicate that there was a sizable viewership on Fox who were awake at 3 AM EST specifically to hatewatch the USWNT and cheer on the Swedes.  Television ratings and trends are discussed in THIS YouTube video.

In addition to those who despised the team for a series of mediocre and disappointing performances, there were those (like Megyn Kelly) who interpreted the team's actions during the national anthem and press conferences to be non-patriotic and possibly antithetical to the American national identity as a whole.  Players like Megan Rapinoe in particular were pilloried for behaving as social justice activists first and sports players second.  The underwhelming exit of the 2015 and 2019 World Cup winners on penalty kicks seemed to satisfy domestic fans who were tired of seeing their national representatives outworked, out-thought, and humiliated while enduring the accompanying self-righteous pontifications on TikTok, Instagram, and other online social media.

Former USWNT stars such as Carli Lloyd criticized the dethroned team as being disrespectful and entitled, and implied that the failure of the coaching and management staff to address the negative elements of the locker room culture was a primary cause for the earliest ever exit of the team from the Women's World Cup.

To Be Continued

And my failing extremities are causing me to abbreviate this session.  I shall return ere long.  Until then,

Good night England and the colonies. 

2023 WWC - The End of the Group Phase

 Greetings, gentle readers.

So what we find is this:  the group phase has crashed to its final conclusion and Germany, Italy, Argentina, Brazil, Portugal, Canada, and Italy have all been sent home.  Some rejoice at this development.  As one commentator remarked during the Germany v. South Korea match, "people love underdogs."  Certainly the Koreans do, particularly when barbecued and slathered in gochujang sauce.  In an echo of one of my earlier articles, people are joyfully proclaiming an increase in global parity and equality of sporting quality across the globe.  I draw a different conclusion.

Call the Governor

Sports change over time.  This is self-evidently true, given the constant tweaking and changing of the rules.  The National Hockey League has changed the number of games in the season, removed the two-line offside rule, and fiddled with the enforcement of offsetting, cranial injury, stick-related, and instigator penalties.  In women's football, the rules around Video Assisted Review, concussion protocols, substitutions, and injury time added-on to each half of football played, in addition to other minor tweaks and changes in enforcement emphasis.

Retired NHL player Sean Avery has a goaltender
interference rule named after him.

But it's not just the rules that change as time goes by.  Athletes are starting to get tracked or streamed into their particular sport or endeavour at earlier ages, and begin dietary and physical conditioning contemporaneously.  As more and more girls become involved in sports at a grassroots level, the overall population of girls that populate the overall talent pool increases, creating larger quantities of elite-level professionals at the adult end of the athletic career path. The practical upshot is that players in the international level are bigger, stronger, faster, and with greater stamina than they were twenty or even ten years ago.

The practical upshot is that the responsibility for analyzing the development of the game and translating the patterns or growth and development into strategic and tactical decisions falls solidly on the management and coaching teams.  The success and failure of teams at this year's Women's World Cup can be directly linked to decisions made by the managers of each team.  I'm going to try and trace some of the vectors through which managers influence the performance of their teams for as long as my dysfunctional limbs will allow.

The Squad Mod

An international team manager's first responsibility is to form a squad.  The starting team is one goalkeeper and ten "outfield" players, but the training squad is usually around three dozen players from whom the team is selected.  During as long a time as possible, considering professional league schedules and global travel considerations, that group is trained, drilled, taught, and evaluated before being trimmed down to a tournament squad size.  In the 2023 FIFA Women's World Cup, each country is allowed to bring a squad consisting of 23 players.  So the manager needs to gather as many of his/her country's best players as possible, assess their ability to play with one another and within a tactical system, select the final squad, and then accept the responsibility for the performance of that final selection.

(Wo-)Man Management

Throughout the entire training and preparation process, a manager is expected to inculcate a philosophy to the players that should not only encompass the players, but the nation they represent.  If Brazilian players aren't allowed to play with fluidity and freedom, they will face scorn from the culture that expects to see itself (and its values) reflected in their style of play.  Dutch, and to a similar but lesser extent, German players are expected to fulfill any role on the field.  Teams that have not yet earned a reputation are expected to "park the bus," which is to say that their team is primarily focused on preventing opposition forays into forward areas to the neglect of any forward progress.

In addition to designing an on-field philosophy that jives with the country to whom the team belongs, managers and their coaching staff are responsible for ensuring that every member of the team, regardless of gender, age, height, width, or whatever are 

<to be continued in the next commentary of the Women's World Cup, 2023.>

2023 WWW - Canadian Post Mortem, etc.

Greetings, gentle readers.

When I conceptualized writing a series of commentaries on the Women's World Cup, I envisaged a series of discrete, thematically unified articles.  It seems that my spine has made the necessary concentration to perform such a feat increasingly impractical.  In short, take the sensation of dinging your funny bone against a lamppost, extend it to your whole arm, and have that happen every two or three minutes.  Truman Capote would say of these attempts at communication that "that's not writing, that's just typing."  And he would be correct.  Too much thought is going into the mechanics of operating the keyboard, and not enough into composing original or creative content.

Be that as it may, I still feel obligated to jot down some notes and reflections on the Women's World Cup.  So here goes.

Equal Pay

I don't want to bang on about this topic any more than is strictly necessary, but considering the length of my earlier post partially dealing with gender pay equality, I thought that I ought to post more factual information for those people who actually want to understand the deal the the United States Women's National Team struck with the U.S. Soccer Federation.  Luckily, the legal aspects of the court case are described by a character named Nate the Lawyer in a video found HERE.  I thought that I was being thorough in my delineation of the issue, but I missed out on some fundamentally significant aspects of the contract negotiations. I recommend giving the video a look.

What's in a Name?

I like to consider myself a bit of a cosmopolitan, well-travelled individual with more than a dash of cultural knowledge.  My ignorance was cruelly exposed when I realized that I had no clue that "Guro" is a common Norwegian lady's name.  In fact, the Norwegian women's national team contains no fewer than three ladies named Guro.  One of these distinguished herself in the six-nil rout of the Philippines last Sunday.  

Guro Reiten

Guro Reiten only registered one goal in the game, but would have had a hat trick if not for the acrobatic heroics of Olivia McDaniel in the Filipino net.  As far as narratives in this competition go, the goalkeepers of the lesser-ranked nations have had plenty of opportunity to display their talents and abilities.  In the Republic of Ireland net, Courtney Brosnan made some jaw-dropping saves against Nigeria, ensuring that the match ended as a scoreless draw.  Ireland and the Philippines join Costa Rica, New Zealand, Zambia, and Canada in making an early exit from the competition, but at least their goaltending served as proof that they have enough elite quality to deserve playing at the highest level.

Uh Oh, Canada

Goro v. Raiden

In the case of Canada, this represents the first time a defending Olympic champion has been eliminated from the World Cup at this early stage.  As an experienced commentator of the game, people will ask me how Canada's fall from grace could have occurred so sharply and abruptly.  Well, there are a number of responses, but the simplest answer can be summarized in a single name:  Evelyne Viens.

For two decades now, Canada's offence has been built around Christine Sinclair, arguably the greatest striker to ever grace the women's game.  She's over forty years old now, and she quite simply no linger possesses the wherewithal to carry the team's goalscoring any more.  Building a tactical structure that attempts to continue accommodating Sinclair on the pitch essentially handicaps the rest of the team.  There is no question that "Sinky's" experience and leadership skills are valuable, but her contributions should be limited to coaching in a Roy Kent capacity, as seen in "Ted Lasso," or as an endgame substitute in the final minutes of a game, managing a close win from the field.

Canada is also one of many countries mired in the epidemic of ACL injuries ravaging the athletes worldwide. Janine Beckie is just one of over two dozen athletes ruled out of this edition of the World Cup with a torn anterior cruciate ligament , according to Her Football Hub.  But to blame the injuries that adversely affected Jesse Fleming and Kadeisha Buchanan throughout the tournament for Canada's failure wouldn't constitute an explanation, only an excuse.

Canadian manager Bev Priestmann should have seen the Tokyo Olympics as the final outing of the Sinclair-era of Canadian football, and begun redesigning the forward line around Evelyne Viens, fifteen years younger than the veteran striker.  The failure to do so resulted in a team operating in a disjointed and uncoordinated fashion, something blatantly in evidence during every one of Canada's dead-ball set pieces.

Boring Technical Rubbish

This article was actually supposed to address rules and tactics, particularly as they applied to certain questions asked of me about specific incidents during the tournament.  Unfortunately, any such exercise in definitions and illustrations would be extraordinarily boring and tedious without the use of video, so I skipped it until I can conceive of a way of presenting the information in something other than plain text.

What Now?

Amanda Ilestedt

Well, Canada is out of the World Cup, Germany's probability of progressing is by no means a certainty, and the intensity of competition is only going to increase from now on.  Personally, I've become a big fan of both the Swedish and Swiss teams.  As soon as I saw Amanda Ilestedt operate from central defence against South Africa in Sweden's first game of the tournament, I knew that she was something special and made no bones about saying so to anyone who would listen.  She's a talisman in a team of skilled professionals, including attacking midfielder Kosovare Asllani and lethal goal poacher Stina Blackstenius.

Luana Bühler

Switzerland has played two goalless draws, but I'm hearing optimistic whispers in the wind that say that Field Marshal Luana Bühler may be returning from injury in time for the next round.  Her precision Swiss movements are what give momentum and power to the attacking prowess of Seraina Piubel, Ramona Bachmann, and Lia Wälti, the latter of whom is still recovering from her pre-tournament injury that prevented her from appearing in any of the warm-up friendly matches.  I'm hoping the best is yet to come from the Helvetians.

And so, until the next time I can summon up the bloody-minded stubbornness to bash away at these keyboard keys despite the intense and mind-melting discomfort of chronic nerve pain, I will say good night, England and the colonies.

Cheers,

—mARKUS

2023 WWC - Racial Purity and Ethnocentrism

 Greetings, gentle readers.

"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that."

– Bill Shankly, 1981

Football, as one of the most accessible and universally appreciated sports in human history, has the power and potential to act as a unifying social catalyst.  Correct me if I am wrong, but my interpretation of the liberal democratic social contract involves bromides like "We are strong not in spite of our differences, but because of them," and "The fundamental principle of peace is the respect for diversity."

It was puzzling to me that the substitute appearance of the youngest-ever player in the history of the World Cup (Women's or Men's) should be accompanied by a strange factoid released by the Korean Republic's football federation.

Hot Dogs

Half-breed Casey Phair

For those that don't know or haven't heard, when (South) Korea played Colombia on 25 July, Casey Phair was substituted onto the field of play in the 78th minute. She was just 16 years and 26 days old, making her the youngest player ever to grace the world's stage at this level, regardless of gender.  As soon as her boots hit the turf, commentators were quick to mention the note that had been released to the press by the Korean federation, announcing that Casey represents the "first multi-racial player" to represent Korea at this event.

On first inspection, one might think that this represents a great step forward for Korean sports in terms of diversity, inclusion, and all those other laudable values.  And then one would remember that it's 2023.  The fact that the Korean women's team only fielded "purebreeds" up until this tournament indicates one of three things:  girls with only one Korean parent or grandparent in a mixed reproduction scenario have either been universally untalented, completely unrecognized, or intentionally disqualified.

I sincerely hope that a sixteen-year-old girl is welcomed like a younger sister into a team completely populated by women selected by what appears to be an historically different methodology.  The weird ripples of Korea announcing that their women's team have hitherto been representing a homogeneous ethnostate seem to contrast with the Korean Men's Olympic Ice Hockey team that competed in the Pyeongcheang Olympics in 2018.

Since winning its bid to host the Winter Games seven years ago, South Korea has been steadily recruiting Canadians — even fast-tracking their South Korean citizenship to allow them to join the Olympic team (dual-citizenship is prohibited in South Korea, but the government has been granting special dual-citizenship rights to "talented" individuals).

One might suggest that the value of female Korean ethnic purity is of a higher value than that of male ethnic purity, and suddenly we're confronted with a gender issue rather than a racial issue.  

Who Wins the Human Race?

Racism is a word that expresses a value system based on a profoundly ignorant lack of genetics or empathy that generates ill will and hostility between people.  There are very few redeeming features of this concept.  That being said,  political scientists have known the solution to racism for decades —creolism.  If one accepts the fact that one cannot be racist towards the member of one's own family, then the solution is to accept other, different cultures and ethnicities into one's own familial unit.  I'll let Warren Beatty express the concept more succinctly in the film "Bulworth."

To be honest, discussions about race are becoming more and more anachronistic.  In 2018, when France won the Men's World Cup, Daily Show host Trevor Noah commented that "Africa won the World Cup," which caused a rather large stir in France.  The BBC article that details the furor can be found here.  The bottom line here is that France considers itself such a diverse and integrated society that it no longer needs to identify the quality or quantity of its plural constituent ethnic communities.

France's Sarina Karchaoui — Amy Winehouse
would like her eyelashes back.

Historically, the movement of peoples between France and North Africa has been happening since people could float boats capable of crossing the Mediterranean, but the vagaries of the Napoleonic Wars, the fall of the second empire during the Franco-Prussian War of 1871, the era of the communes during the third republic, and other sociopolitical upheavals made Morocco, Algeria, and Tunisia sources of food, safe haven, and commercial opportunity.  Everyone remembers "Casablanca" as the film that depicted French African colonies as a form of underground railroad taking fugitives away from the concentration camps of Nazi Germany.  Similarly, Brazil harboured the Portuguese royal family in the 19th century.  The genealogical difference between the colonizers and the colonized was always fated to become blurred over time.  Perhaps the insular nature of some cultures just takes longer to erode.

As a fun exercise, try and connect the players on the left column with the country that they represent at this Women's World Cup in the right column.

And that's all of the typing that my disobedient limbs will allow me to publish today.  Until next time, good night England and the colonies.

—mARKUS

2023 WWC - The Official Story

 Greetings, gentle readers.

So what we have found is this:  the exhilarating triumphs of virtuoso goliaths juxtaposed with the moral victories of plucky minnows have made the dramatic narratives of the 2023 Women's World Cup tournament appealing enough to increase the value of the brand to the overall benefit of women's sports.  

Who's Yer Girlfriend?

One of the trends that the casual observer may detect is the continuation of the Qatar Men's World Cup proclivity for enormous swaths of injury time at the end of every half of play.  In a related topic, the number and frequency of injuries seem to be slowing down the flow of game play and restricting the availability of star players from competition.  Another common thread that seems to be interwoven throughout the competition is the awarding of penalties.  Finally, the one underlying factor that seems to affect all of these referee-related game management issues is the use of Video Assisted Review.

A Galaxy VAR, VAR Away

Football's governing body resisted video review for decades, the most prominent reason being that the game ought to be quick-flowing, organic, and dynamic.  The clock does not stop when the referee blows his/her whistle, there are regulations about the time taken to perform set plays, and if treatment for an injury threatens to slow down the game, the rules indicate that the player is to be removed from the field and play must continue in the player's absence.  Everything is designed to keep driving the course of the game towards its conclusion.

Jenni from the block

To be perfectly frank, the refereeing decisions in this tournament have been almost flawless.  The flip side of that accuracy is the slowdown of the pace of every game.  Not only are there long and extended breaks for video checks, but the trend of referees to hesitate to even make an initial decision and instead immediately refer to the VAR team for a decision.  Anyone watching the Spain-Zambia game will recollect that Jenni Hermoso had both of her goals initially disallowed before being reviewed, and the first even had a "La La Land"/"Moonlight" moment as the referee announced that, after review, there was no goal.  The referee then paused and looked confused for a moment before announcing that there was no offside, and that the goal was good.  The confusion of the Spanish players was palpable as they tried to determine whether or not they ought to celebrate.  Amidst the chaos of the second goal, someone had to remind Jenni that she had just scored her 50th international goal in her 100th appearance.

Seraina Piubel

In the Switzerland-Philippines match, Sarina Bolden appeared to make history when she scored the first
goal of the match for the Filipino side after latching onto a long ball over the top, beating two defenders and lashing a 20-yard shot into the Swiss net.  It looked to be the first ever World Cup goal for the debutante South-East Asian nation, and a dramatic upset of expectations in the match.  Then the VAR check was performed, and the goal was chalked off for offside.  The entire Philippines team went from ecstatic jubilation to confused distress in a matter of seconds and they never recovered their composure for the rest of the match.  Luana Bühler stroked some spectacular passes out from defence, Ramona Bachmann performed some dazzling feats of schoolyard freestyle flair, while Seraina Piubel and Lia Wälti drifted elegantly through the midfield en route to a comfortable 2-0 win that left the Philippines broken and disoriented.  To their credit, they regrouped after the match and turned all of that frustration and indignation into a verve that defeated host country New Zealand.

Everybody Hurts

Not all of the delays of game and ten-minute episodes of time-added-on are as a result of self-conscious and over-cautious referees relying on technology to make the right call.  Sometimes injury time is just that—a compensation for playing time lost because players are medically harmed or in distress.  As in the men's game, feigned injuries are always a factor, as tired teams seek to get an impromptu time out for players to catch their breath, receive coaching instructions from the touchline, and re-establish discipline within a positional formation.  

Italy's Valentina Giacinti

The Italy-Argentina game was a very physical war of attrition that exhausted its combatants throughout the match, and players that took anything more than a superficial knock or contact from a challenge tended to stay down just a little bit longer than necessary to afford their teammates a quick break from the action.  The problem with the referees in this situation is twofold:  they are supposed to discipline players suspected of simulating injury, and they are supposed to expeditiously remove injured players who require medical treatment from the field of play so that play may resume.  

Insofar as discipline is concerned, no yellow cards yet been issued for simulation, and in terms of quick and effective game-management, the prevalent trend has been for referees to allow physios and medics to treat players on the pitch for several minutes before insisting that the treatment continue off-field.

This is not to say that all injuries sustained during the tournament have been simulated.

Retired Canadian
International Kara Lang

In fact, a cursory glance at the players who have been rendered medically ineligible to play over the past few decades shows a large number of knee injuries, particularly cruciate ligament sprains and tears. Kara Lang, in an interview before the Canada-Nigeria Game, described her struggles with ACL injuries, and how they eventually forced her premature retirement from the game. She was unequivocal in laying the blame for these sorts of injuries on the playing surface. Unlike the men, women in footy are often forced to play on artificial turf, which doesn't have the same sort of give or yield that natural grass does. In cases of extreme stress, when the surface doesn't accommodate deformation or deterioration, the force is transferred to the joints of the limbs planted in that surface. In the men's game, Marco Van Basten's career was cut short by the fact that his constant twisting and dancing about in his studs eventually ripped up his ankles as much as the sod beneath him. Women don't have his kind of upper body muscle mass, so their injuries tend to be around the knees rather than the ankles.

No Au Revoir, Just Hors d'Oeuvres

And with that, I need to cease my blithering babble before I do myself irrevocable neurological damage.  Until my next installment about the scutal playing tactics within the tournament, I bid you adieu.

Good night England and the colonies,

—mARKUS