Greetings, gentle readers.
As I've previously mentioned, I'm a bit behind on the events of the past week, but now that the vast majority of the madness, confusion, and outright confrontation is concluded, I'm going to try and go full bore at the things I've noticed.
Hot Springs and Hotties
I have a completely skewed view of Icelandic people after my last night out in Reykjavik.  I have no idea what the occasion was, but the live music café/restaurant at which we dined near the old docks had a bizarre demographic.  Prior to 2200h, the placed was filled with about 30 unreasonably and ridiculously attractive supermodels, attended by six rather feminine-looking young men.  I do not exaggerate.  These women paraded out for cigarette breaks on staggered intervals of about half an hour throughout the night, making it basically a constantly cycling catwalk of jaw-dropping pulchritude in heels and evening gowns.  After 2200h, they all evaporated into the night with their concierges like some sort of squadron of Cinderellas, and were promptly replaced by a pack of elderly men who looked like slightly better-kept versions of Walter Matthau.
I have no idea what sort of social occasion that was, but if anyone ever asks why I'm a bit hard on Liverpool women, it's because my whole spectrum has been recast.
Also, floating in a hot springs pool with strategically placed flotation devices can do wonders when trying to stretch and relax a compressed spine with a pinched nerve, although when your ears are submerged, some of the noises can be particularly alarming.
Liverpool Basics
Here are some of the first things that an objective observer might notice when arriving in Liverpool and wandering around the place.
Wild Parties
The whole place is a playground.  I don't mean end-of-term students on ridiculously irresponsible binges, or gangs of yobbos urinating on dumpsters.  I mean actual carnivals, fairgrounds, midways, the lot.  The kids are having a blast, and the adults are lapping it up.  The Mersey Ferries Building is surrounded by huge fair-style rides, with centrifuges, and all other manner of slinging, catapulting, and twirling devices illuminated by a myriad of pastel colours.  Throughout the city, mini-alpine villages have been constructed with bratwurst, mulled wine, and hot chocolate kiosks serving tiny heated chateaus.
People are Beautiful
I don't want you to take my word for it.  I've never seen a happier, more optimistic, forward-looking culture.  Here's what the local newspaper had for a headline:
"Science City Can Lead UK - Mayor Urges public to back Knowledge Quarter vision."
The article describes a £1 billion program to create a science research area of the city between the hospital district and the university district, creating 10,000 highly-skilled jobs.  Of course, the story carries over onto page two, where the reader is led to the next story:  "Big interest in new Chinatown."  Here we find the Hong Kong and Shanghai investors are looking at dumping £200 million into developing Europe's largest Chinatown into a cornerstone of the fastest-growing UK economy outside of greater London.  With 50% of financing secured and a commitment to the Chinese art form of zhezhi, and a motif of an awakening dragon fuelling the theme, excitement is high.
At this point, we look at the recto page opposite page two, and it features the gentle comedic themes of a local cartoonist who, while not side-splittingly funny, writes gently amusing, almost soothing cartoons. An example punchline of a cartoon featuring a dark age Scandinavian couple is "Ye gads, woman!  I'm a Viking!  I'm supposed to leave rings on the table!"
Not convinced?  It goes on.
"Crowds roll up to celebrate good mental health."  Liverpool's first ever Mental Health Festival occupied 30 venues with feel-good activities such as the community roller-skating event "Skate - Don't Hate."
The optimism and cheeriness is relentless.
"Rewards for staying active just got a lot more lucrative."
"Flourishing city named best British tourism destination."
"Take the stress out of raising kids" - from a column called "HAPPY ON THE INSIDE."
Other articles detail women's breakfast/yoga programs for Saturday mornings ("Rise and Shine") and parallel columns - one each for the two main football teams in the city.  Each exclusively focuses on the positives of that team with only glancing and respectful nods to the other.
Finally, I offer this cartoon strip.

I challenge anyone to find a greater wellspring of positivity within a community of three quarter of a million people.  The pool of life, indeed.  I should really include a video of the New Zealand All-Blacks performing a haka for Jürgen Klopp at Melwood after explaining that the Maori term for Liverpool translates directly to "Spring of Life."  Ah, look for it on YouTube.  My back is yearning for some more hot spring attention.
And with that, I bid you good night, England and the colonies.
Cheers,
—mARKUS