iPhones are eVil

Greetings, gentle readers.
And so, after much ado about many things, Jules and I made it to Minden, Ontario.  Her parents, in addition to being thoroughly wonderful people, also have the stamina of blood-doped racehorses.  I didn't subject my own parents to the sort of extensive slideshows of South Africa that I unleashed on these poor people.  Into the wee hours of every night, twenty-three to the dozen, ground littered with the hind legs of donkeys, tiring the sun with minutiae until it falls out of the sky, I banged on about the most uninteresting things about Africa imaginable, and still these kind people feigned interest.  Astonishing.
The grounds in Minden were also amazing.  The lot opened onto the river, which flows rapidly and warmly (24°C) past the canoe and motorboat moored at the dock.
The verdant landscape and fantastic wildlife were not the main event, however.  As the family reunion began to take shape, it became obvious that the people were going to be the curiosities and spectacles.
Cousin Dave, for example, might be considered to be a disaster-profiteer.  Incidentally, the shuffles in family-relations are simplified for clarity.  If I show the slightest interest in genealogy, I suspect that my family will ambush me and expect me to deconstruct the entire patrilineal side of my genetic heritage.
The family member that I really appreciated was Cousin Norm.   Not only did he take control of the barbeque (to my enormous relief), but he did so with authority and ability.  The fact that he was smoking cigarettes over cooking meat was a bit odd, but the man knew his business, and I was not willing to tell him off.  He's also mastered more martial arts than I know languages, so I wasn't about to get uppity.
It wasn't until later in the evening that I got to play Cousin Norm at chess.  If anyone has ever played me at chess, you'll know what I do.  I don't lose, but I want to see what you do to try and win. Cousin Norm had a fantastic go with his queen before he accepted the draw.  Julie's father was astonished.  Wins are over-rated.
In any event, the weekend was a wonderful cascade of events that was ruined by two things: first, Lloyd was fired from Castle Rock.  That rocked things in a number of ways.  Jules and I weren't sure of the level of investiture we had in that decision, and how much we could have helped.  The second thing was the way in which Ontario deals with toll-based roads. We had a rental car, which is apparently not allowed on toll-roads.  No one actually spent the time to tell us this, and this led to a horrible route through ghastly roadways that led us back to Hamilton in just enough time to run to the plane before it started taxiing for takeoff. All of the good things that I had built up about the province were thrown out of the window.  By the end of it, I was glad to be rid of the place.  I still miss the people, though.  Oh, and the ice cream.
Cheers,
—mARKUS