Miscellaneous Rants

Stuff I Hate

Naming Your Children

Jason Fung and I had a discussion several decades ago during which we discussed the impact of a name given to an individual, and the impact that arbitrarily-given moniker has upon the life of that individual.  Jason's younger brother was always known as "Jimmy."  Jimmies are universally recognized as gas pump attendants, helpful sales associates at Home Depot, and feckless Gotham city photographers.  How does Jimmy fit as a computer engineer?  He doesn't.  He must become a Jim or a James.
So what are parents thinking when they name their daughter "Raven-Simoné"?  Yes, the accent is deliberately included.  When you name your child "K'Brianey-Tinesha", you have to consider the consequences that the name will have on that child's life.  Children are not a luxury item or decorator purse-size pet that you can name "Trojan Condom" and dispose of it when you get bored or find a different coffee shop at which to bore people with your theories on child-rearing.
If I name my child "Xum-Dhumpsterstain," I do not have the right to blame modern society, the man, the freemasons, the government, or the aliens that are waiting behind the dark side of the moon for that child doing something contrary to public morality.

Facts v. Belief

If you think that evolution/gravity/thermodynamics/electromagnetics are some kinds of mythological processes that are open to debate, you're an idiot.  If you think that a compilation of semi-literate desert nomadic scrawlings is the guide to living an authentic life, you're an idiot.  If you think that the Bible (both testaments, plus apocrypha) was written in English, you need to take the easy way out and save the rest of us the trouble of shaking our heads and defriending you for the rest of your life.  If you think that Jesus was white, you're a bigot and an idiot.  If you think that God is American, you're a full-blown, certifiable lunatic, and we need to get you off the streets.  I'm not a militant atheist, but I really wish that people with IQs in the single digits would shut up.  There is no debate.  There is no magic Mr. Beardy that made every single natural and chemical process happen throughout perpetuity.  Get used to it and shut up.  Put your faith in humanity and your family.  Where it belongs.

The Olympics

Professional and amateur sports are an important part of our lives.  They emphasize focus, direction, concentration, desire, resolve, teamwork, and a myriad other things that are espoused as fundamental anchors or our society.
Look at this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf7SwT85LrA
This did not make the goal of the month, nor even the goal of the season.  The goal-scorer did not make the Canadian Olympic team.  Bottom line:  If Canada does not stride confidently toward the goal-medal podium at Sochi, the blame lies here.

People Dying

I was crushed when my uncle Teddy died last summer.  He was a wonderful, colourful, engaging fellow with loads of stories and lurid gossip to keep every conversation zesty.  Then his sister died last month.  I'm getting fed up with dying relatives.  To stop the depressive rot, I'm posting this:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZjwCmJrnlY

Anxiety

According to modern news outlets, everyone is on anxiolytics and everyone has panic attacks, just like every schoolchild must wear glasses, have asthma, and be allergic to nuts and shellfish.  It sounds a bit cliché to say that things were different in my day, but I'm 40 now, and I can say this — no-one in my entire grade /class had an allergy to anything so stupid.  No-one wore an epi-pen, and everyone had PBJ sandwiches once a week.  Do I blame helicopter parents who don't allow a single bacterium within ten blocks of their little angels, or do I blame kids who will make a sneeze into a new apocalypse?  I don't care.  In two hundred years, it will be obvious that the families that live by the ocean or who roam around in the forests are the ones that can freely breathe without masks or have operational digestive tracts.  If anyone wants to argue with me about vaccination, that person gets three sentences to posit whatever vapid, unscientific, and stupid opinions before I tell to neuter him or her self, and not hurt the rest of the human race with the ignorance that he or she wields with such casual blitheness. 
How do I deal with anxiety and panic attacks?  Answer:  dishes.  I wash dishes.  When my kitchen sink is clean and empty of disintegrating food products, I feel as though I have control over a part of my life.  Everyone else may be a conglomeration of gluttonous slugs, but I can keep a part of the system maintained and regulated.  When things get really hairy and I can't sleep because of the hyperventilation and tachycardia, then I have to resort to laundry.  Those who know me will recognize those days.

Best wishes to Leonard Nimoy and a fond wave to all of England and the Colonies.
Cheers,
—mARKUS