World Cup 2014 - Brazil

Greetings, gentle readers.
I'm a bit late, since the World Cup is already underway with Brazil (possibly undeservedly) posting a win against Croatia in São Paulo.  That being said, I thought that I would nail my proverbial colours to the mast and post my pre-tournament predictions, which are only marginally affected by today's result.
Without further ado, here are all of my predicted scorelines for the group phase, followed by my story of how I reckon the rest of the tournament ought to play out.
In order of the dates/times in which they are played, here are the matches:
BRA 2 - 2 HRV
MEX 1 - 1 CMR
ESP 1 - 1 NED
CHI 2 - 0 AUS
COL 0 -0 HEL
URU 4 - 0 CRC
ENG 2 - 1 ITA
CIV 3 - 1 JPN
SUI 0 - 0 ECU
FRA 1 - 0 HON
ARG 2 - 1 BOS
GER 3 - 2 POR
IRN 0 - 2 NIG
GHA 3 -1 USA
BEL 4 - 0 ALG
BRA 5 - 1 MEX
RUS 2 -2 KOR
AUS 0 - 2 NED
ESP 1 - 0 CHI
CMR 1 - 2 HRV
COL 0 - 2 CIV
URU 2 - 2 ENG
JPN 1 - 1 HEL
ITA 2 - 0 CRC
SUI 0 - 1 FRA
HON 0 -0 ECU
ARG 4 - 0 IRN
GER 4 - 1 GHA
NIG 1 - 0 BOS
BEL 3 - 0 RUS
KOR 2 - 1 ALG
USA 0 - 2 POR
NED 3 - 1 CHI
AUS 0 - 1 ESP
CMR 1 - 4 BRA
HRV 2 - 2 MEX
ITA 2 - 3 URU
CRC 0 - 4 ENG
JPN 1 - 2 COL
HEL 0 - 1 CIV
NIG 1 - 3 ARG
BOS 2 - 0 IRN
HON 0 - 0 SUI
ECU 1 - 2 FRA
POR 3 - 1 GHA
USA 0 - 3 GER
KOR 1 - 3 BEL
ALG 2 - 2 RUS

So here is what the final group standings will look like if I am correct.  Note, incidentally, that I am changing the result of the Brazil-Croatia match, but that it doesn't adversely affect the big picture.

Group A

Brazil — 9
Croatia — 4
Mexico — 2
Cameroon — 1
(note that I think that there's something wrong here.  Cameroon should have more points than this.)

Group B

Holland — 7 (tops on goal-differential)
Spain — 7
Chile — 3
Australia — 0

Group C

Côte D'Ivoire — 9
Colombia — 4
Greece — 2
Japan — 1

Group D

Uruguay — 7 (tops on goals scored)
England — 7
Italy — 3
Costa Rica — 0

Group E

France — 9
Ecuador — 3 (qualified on goals scored)
Switzerland — 3 (something is wrong here, but I can't figure out what)
Honduras — 3

Group F

Argentina — 9
Nigeria — 6
Bosnia-Herzegovina — 3
Iran — 0

Group G

Germany — 9
Portugal — 6
Ghana — 3
U.S.A. — 0

Group H

Belgium — 9
South Korea — 4
Russia — 2
Algeria — 1

Round of 16

All of the CONCACAF entrants are out, and with one exception, all of CONMEBOL are in.  The Belgians have stunned all comers, and the Italians have been exposed ruthlessly for a lack of cover in defence.  Cristiano Ronaldo has looked out of sorts for Portugal, despite bagging four goals, while Lionel Messi seems to be growing in strength as the midfield solidifies for Argentina.

Brazil 3 - 1 Spain

The tiki-taka taliban are finally derailed from their track to four straight major trophies by the host country, who have finally started to play some samba-worthy futbol.  Neymar's disciplinary record starts to become a worry.

England 2 -0 Côte D'Ivoire

The muscular and fit Africans are undone by a very young-looking England defence that plays confidently in possession and squeeze pressure forward.  Phil Jagielka even scores a goal.

Croatia 2 - 2 Holland (2 - 3 after penalty shootout)

Robin van Persie, Robben, et aliter are finally victorious after a scrappy and highly-contested match of many fouls.  Dejan Lovran features prominently as Croatia's best defender in a vain cause.

Uruguay 4 - 0 Colombia

Colombia follows Chile as the next South American team to leave the tournament.  They had barely crawled out of the group phase without Radamel Falcao, but the lethal, golden boot-seeking duo of Luis Suarez and Edinson Cavani are predatory and lethal, killing off Chile within the first 19 minutes.

Nigeria 2 - 1 France

The Nigerians get on the scoreboard first, withstand a rally in the early second half, and finally kill the game off in the 89th minute.  Shola Ameobi features prominently, and the lack of French striking talent appears obvious.

Germany 3 - 0 South Korea

The ability of the Germans to interchangeably swap players and positions plays havoc with the last Asian team in the tournament.  Phillip Lahm roams madly around the pitch and Thomas Müller provides the creativity for Miroslav Klose to add to his World Cup record 16 career finals goals.

Argentina 2 - 0 Ecuador

The Argentinians quietly put this fixture to bed without much fuss.  Ecuador, recipients of a number of officiating and statistical decisions, have nothing left in the tank against a very sturdy-looking albiceleste.

Belgium 2 - 1 Portugal

The dark horses of the tournament claim their first major scalp when they trump a Portuguese side that fades considerably after Ronaldo is subbed off shortly before the end of the first half.

At this point, I've already written out the results of the remaining rounds, but we'll see how horribly I've misread things after a couple of days before I publish them.  At this point, I'll just say that I'm picking three of the four semi-finalists to be South American, and that I expect to see a couple of World Cup record trends come to an end.  Oh, and England doesn't make it past the quarter-finals.  But we all knew that, didn't we?

Until next time, goodnight England and the colonies.

Cheers,

—mARKUS

Miscellaneous Rants

Stuff I Hate

Naming Your Children

Jason Fung and I had a discussion several decades ago during which we discussed the impact of a name given to an individual, and the impact that arbitrarily-given moniker has upon the life of that individual.  Jason's younger brother was always known as "Jimmy."  Jimmies are universally recognized as gas pump attendants, helpful sales associates at Home Depot, and feckless Gotham city photographers.  How does Jimmy fit as a computer engineer?  He doesn't.  He must become a Jim or a James.
So what are parents thinking when they name their daughter "Raven-Simoné"?  Yes, the accent is deliberately included.  When you name your child "K'Brianey-Tinesha", you have to consider the consequences that the name will have on that child's life.  Children are not a luxury item or decorator purse-size pet that you can name "Trojan Condom" and dispose of it when you get bored or find a different coffee shop at which to bore people with your theories on child-rearing.
If I name my child "Xum-Dhumpsterstain," I do not have the right to blame modern society, the man, the freemasons, the government, or the aliens that are waiting behind the dark side of the moon for that child doing something contrary to public morality.

Facts v. Belief

If you think that evolution/gravity/thermodynamics/electromagnetics are some kinds of mythological processes that are open to debate, you're an idiot.  If you think that a compilation of semi-literate desert nomadic scrawlings is the guide to living an authentic life, you're an idiot.  If you think that the Bible (both testaments, plus apocrypha) was written in English, you need to take the easy way out and save the rest of us the trouble of shaking our heads and defriending you for the rest of your life.  If you think that Jesus was white, you're a bigot and an idiot.  If you think that God is American, you're a full-blown, certifiable lunatic, and we need to get you off the streets.  I'm not a militant atheist, but I really wish that people with IQs in the single digits would shut up.  There is no debate.  There is no magic Mr. Beardy that made every single natural and chemical process happen throughout perpetuity.  Get used to it and shut up.  Put your faith in humanity and your family.  Where it belongs.

The Olympics

Professional and amateur sports are an important part of our lives.  They emphasize focus, direction, concentration, desire, resolve, teamwork, and a myriad other things that are espoused as fundamental anchors or our society.
Look at this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf7SwT85LrA
This did not make the goal of the month, nor even the goal of the season.  The goal-scorer did not make the Canadian Olympic team.  Bottom line:  If Canada does not stride confidently toward the goal-medal podium at Sochi, the blame lies here.

People Dying

I was crushed when my uncle Teddy died last summer.  He was a wonderful, colourful, engaging fellow with loads of stories and lurid gossip to keep every conversation zesty.  Then his sister died last month.  I'm getting fed up with dying relatives.  To stop the depressive rot, I'm posting this:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZjwCmJrnlY

Anxiety

According to modern news outlets, everyone is on anxiolytics and everyone has panic attacks, just like every schoolchild must wear glasses, have asthma, and be allergic to nuts and shellfish.  It sounds a bit cliché to say that things were different in my day, but I'm 40 now, and I can say this — no-one in my entire grade /class had an allergy to anything so stupid.  No-one wore an epi-pen, and everyone had PBJ sandwiches once a week.  Do I blame helicopter parents who don't allow a single bacterium within ten blocks of their little angels, or do I blame kids who will make a sneeze into a new apocalypse?  I don't care.  In two hundred years, it will be obvious that the families that live by the ocean or who roam around in the forests are the ones that can freely breathe without masks or have operational digestive tracts.  If anyone wants to argue with me about vaccination, that person gets three sentences to posit whatever vapid, unscientific, and stupid opinions before I tell to neuter him or her self, and not hurt the rest of the human race with the ignorance that he or she wields with such casual blitheness. 
How do I deal with anxiety and panic attacks?  Answer:  dishes.  I wash dishes.  When my kitchen sink is clean and empty of disintegrating food products, I feel as though I have control over a part of my life.  Everyone else may be a conglomeration of gluttonous slugs, but I can keep a part of the system maintained and regulated.  When things get really hairy and I can't sleep because of the hyperventilation and tachycardia, then I have to resort to laundry.  Those who know me will recognize those days.

Best wishes to Leonard Nimoy and a fond wave to all of England and the Colonies.
Cheers,
—mARKUS